Every day in every way I’m sent the strangest, weirdest, crassiest (yes, I know that’s not strictly a word) emails.

And having always believed a problem shared is a problem halved, I wanted to share with you a small but exquisite sampler of these bulletins, all posted on Friday. Starting with this delightfully patriotic tip – “If you’re cheering on ‘Team GB’ this summer you might like to serve up a deliciously British salad to help keep the Union Jack flying” (sent by Lasting Leaf salads).

Equally significant was this missive from Leicestershire pie-maker Walkers: “Summer may be a bit of a washout but for those still fitting in a picnic between the showers, a traditional pork pie is sure to be included, according to a new survey.”

Forgive me for not warning you earlier that as cringeworthy as many of these emails are, it is the surveys they publicise that really test your colon.

Which leads us on nicely to the must-have pet product of the year – Poochie Bells. “A revolutionary new toilet training aid that enable dogs to tell their owners when they needs to go – meaning no crossed paws or accidents in the home.” And yes, “when they needs to go” is clearly the firm’s own accident in the home.

As we all know, life can become tired and predictable, which is why the following announcement ticked all the boxes for my body’s adrenal glands. “Win a limited edition illustrated watercress tea towel featuring a delicious Classic Watercress Soup recipe and make drying dishes that little bit more stylish!” From personal experience, let me tell you, it does.

Now, between you and me, I am sometimes privileged to receive ‘insider’ knowledge on the latest sure-fire money-making schemes. For instance, this one sounding heaven-sent: “Turn £22,084 into £54,116* uncapped. The ideal shorter term, ethical forestry investment, the world’s first eight-year bamboo package from our established partners offers annualized forecast returns of over 18 per cent.”

Already the best investment I’ve ever made after four or five pints.

Still, no question, my favourite Odd Box email from Friday is this one. I just hope you’re impressed by the publicist’s brave attempt to marry traditional camping with today’s erotic mores. “Fans of the sizzling, steamy, saucy, sexy, sensational novel Fifty Shades of Grey can plan their own erotic romps across the UK with Pitchup.com’s 69 secluded, adult-only camping, glamping and caravanning sites. We bring you a round-up of the best for a dirty outdoors weekend away from it all.”

And here is a deliciously wicked teaser to whet your appetite. “Do you have nicknames in the bedroom? Faerie-Thyme does. Bed down in Katie, the site’s 16ft quirky touring caravan in her own garden, with a fire pit and covered area outside. She is fully kitted out with everything you need for a kooky stay under the stars. Katie is available at £35 per night.”

It’s veritable poetry isn’t it?