AS The Insider jetted off for his winter break, he thought he could leave the sights and sounds of Oxfordshire behind him.

But no! Who is this moonlighting aboard his flight?

It turns out that BBC Radio Oxford breakfast host Phil Gayle is also the voice of Easyjet, and on every ludicrously early flight from Luton or Stansted, he tells passengers where the exits are and how to survive a mid-Atlantic crash by blowing a small whistle in a pre-recorded message.

It seems the people of a north Oxfordshire village have become extremely protective about its new celebrity resident.

The inhabitants of South Newington are making a Titanic effort to keep the film star’s identity a secret.

They even trod the Revolutionary Road by having a village meeting to pledge not to discuss the matter with outsiders. So any requests for gossip are met with a firm: “No comment.”

You, The Reader of this column, may be wondering who she is. It’s an Enigma.

How are you to find out the identity of this Heavenly Creature? It would be like Finding Neverland.

However, the secrecy hasn’t stopped star-struck people talking about her. It’s like a Contagion in the north of the county.

ONE of Oxford’s most famous graduates proved he hasn’t lost it yet. In 1955, future Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke set a world record in the Turf Tavern, downing two-and-a-half pints of beer in 11 seconds as a college forfeit.

Last week, challenged by a shirtless Aussie cricket fan who handed him a pint at the Australia v India cricket Test match in Sydney, the 83-year-old former Labor Party leader sunk it one – all captured on mobile phone footage.

Maybe Ed Miliband should try to boost his popularity with a similar feat?

IS it just a coincidence that David Cameron announced a clampdown on executive pay just days after taking his children to the Chipping Norton Theatre pantomime, Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves?