You know the ad – “The Co-operative: good with food”. Well, now I assume we’ll soon be seeing a similar sort of ad claiming – ‘The Co-operative: good with stiffs’.

Because the high street retail giant has just launched a TV campaign aimed at making death seem rather glamorous and thrilling; indeed, something we should even look forward to – like a holiday or Christmas.

In the commercial, which caught me off guard as I ate my corned beef and chips last Thursday, during Deal or No Deal, a number of people, young and old and, ironically, full of life, address the camera directly, chatting enthusiastically, gleefully even, about what they would like from their funeral.

One elderly woman suggests Elvis songs are played while she herself dances with ‘The King’ (presumably in Heaven), another wants ‘a good spread’, while a third, a bloke, jokes he’ll probably be late for his.

And like commercials for mobile phones, the advertisement boasts all the warmth and gloss of a Hollywood rom-com.

Now, of course, the Co-op’s long-trusted funeral service has been the butt of jokes for years.

Back in the 60s and 70s, when the retailer offered Co-op dividend stamps (today’s equivalent of the loyalty card), people joked that they would pay for their funeral with their ‘divi’.

Today, however, it seems your funeral is no longer just a gag fit for the ‘local’, but an event to be eagerly anticipated, like a wedding or christening.

Something, indeed, that brings family and friends together, under one roof, for laughter and tears and sandwiches.

I however – and yes I’ve always been a funeral party-pooper – almost choked on my crinkle chips.

Not because I found the 30-second commercial especially shocking (if I can watch a clip of the underside of a toilet bowl for a bleach commercial, I can certainly steel myself for an advertisement on death) but simply unnerving.

If I was an academic, I would call it a ‘taboo-breaking’ initiative. But the truth is, I just found it creepy. It’s smoothness, its oily warmth and, most of all, its glossiness.

Any second, I expected a soap celebrity to appear and offer some kind of embalming endorsement. You know, all smiles, capped teeth and a dance routine.

Or, worse still, a cross-over ad combining the Co-op with BT’s golden couple, Adam and Jane, in which Jane dies in a terrible power-surge accident and Adam honours her wishes by hiring the Co-op to bury her in a laptop-shaped coffin.

Indeed, I’ll bet that people soon start developing a kind of ‘funeral envy’ in which they compete with their neighbours to stage the most spectacular send-offs.

As for me, when I die, I’d like everyone to go into Boots in Cornmarket and spray on their favourite scent/cologne using the samples in the perfume section, which I do every day because I can’t afford it.

That’s about all the thought I’ll give this subject – although, while alive, I will continue to shop for food at the Co-op.