First off, ladies, I’m really sorry for what I’m about to admit, and fellers, lap it up, because you might find I’m the only woman in the world that agrees with you when it comes to this.

Drum roll please…I, Sue Carter, think we woman are the biggest suckers in the world when it comes to jewellery.

I don’t know if it’s because I grew up in a mining town, but no matter how far I rumble about the depths of even the most feminine sections of my brain, I still cannot believe how we women love to be taken for a ride when it comes to buying a lump of metal adorned with something sparkly.

I should probably come clean here and admit I don’t dislike jewellery, and it’s true that I’ve probably kept several factories full of cheap labour churning out silver rings, bracelets and necklaces owing to my penchant for losing things, but when it comes to shelling out a week’s, a month’s, or a year’s worth of wages on something to hang around your neck or wrist, well, put me right at the back of the line.

I walked past Tiffany & Co in London yesterday, and as I pointed out to my friend what I thought was the most hideous piece of jewellery I’d ever seen (a necklace featuring a bright green pendant laced with diamonds, the type of thing only the wicked witch of the north would look good wearing), she pointed out the price tag of £53,000.

I’ll repeat that – fifty-three thousand pounds.

Then we noticed what was sitting beside it. A diamond encrusted necklace which appeared to have been modelled on a dying branch covered in wilted leaves. This hideous work of art was £167,000!

Who, besides the Queen, wears this sort of stuff? And WHERE do you wear this sort of jewellery?

Okay, yes, it was dripping in diamonds, but seriously – £167,000? According to my faithful research tool (the Internet) there are currently no fewer than 60 homes in Oxfordshire that you can buy for that sort of money.

I think one of the things that has put me off (close your eyes ladies for what I’m about to reveal) is the day I met the chief gem buyer for one of the biggest jewellery chains in Australia.

I can still remember the look of horror on my soon-to-be-married colleague’s face when the guy pulled a catalogue out of one drawer, and proceeded to tell us the actual prices of all of the items listed for sale.

If a little voice inside your head has just asked: “Half the price?” or it’s now squeaking “please don’t say a quarter of the price”, you really don’t want to know what he revealed that day.

This anti-jewellery stance does leave me with a conundrum though. My mother loves jewellery, and says she will leave all of her treasures to me. Do I wear them? Or do I head straight down to the nearest appraiser to get them valued?

Mind you, if I did, I’d probably just get told my inheritance is worthless anyway.