Call me old fashioned, but I’ve always believed that a pelican crossing was a safe place to cross a road.

Naively, I had always understood that the moment its light went red, it meant one could walk out into the road, free of worry and concern that an approaching car might catapult your body into the air and... let’s face it, almost certain eternity.

But clearly I’ve been deluded all these years.

In fact, recent life-threatening experiences have now prompted me to alter the way I cross busy streets, since clearly waiting for the Pelican’s green man and accompanying ‘beep’ that signals the pedestrian’s right to cross over, is no longer a guarantee of life and limb.

Quite the opposite in fact – I would say that during the past four weeks, I have, on average, faced serious personal harm on at least three occasions, and watched in horror countless times more as other pedestrians have been clipped or narrowly missed by road users hell-bent on ignoring the red ‘Stop’ lights.

Of course I’m talking about cyclists, albeit a small minority, since drivers know, as an absolute, that if they steer their car or bus through a red light on a crossing which people are actually using, chances are they’ll not only kill and maim, but also be arrested, charged and banged up.

This small minority however seems to have a rosier view of this whole road/pedestrian/law malarkey – in their world, it seems, it is perfectly acceptable to aim their bike at a group of pedestrians, some of whom are old, some of whom have children, who are crossing, when all other traffic has ground to a halt and the green man is ‘on’, because:

a. why not?

b. stopping is a hassle

c. applying brakes would violate their human rights

d. collision with a human body won’t lead to any permanent damage (at least to their bike)

e. they’re contributing to a greener environment

f. they’re above the law and proud of it

g. it’s just allllllllll too much darling

h. they don’t have brakes

i. the world’s banks and financial institutions have sold us all down the river

j. the police are bent

k. they didn’t know they HAD to stop

l. pedestrians are too slow

m.there was a slight incline of maybe 1:20

n. life’s too short

o. it ain’t like it’s serious man

p. they didn’t see the crossing until they were at least 400 yards away

q. George W Bush is an idiot (oh, he’s no longer in office...)

r. it’s funny

s. their parents are visiting

t. they’re being picked on

u. pedestrians are stupid

v. it was overcast

w. they were looking at something else at the time

x. they were too busy concentrating

y. they rode with all due care and attention as they steered through the fallen pedestrians

z. they didn’t like the way everyone looked at them as they approached.

Take your pick – all I know is that from now on, I’ll cross where there are no zebras or pelicans, because that way at least, I will be on my guard...