Recently I have noticed a trend in my social life. I have gone from being a pack animal to seeing my friends mostly one on one. I’m not quite sure why. Or at least I wasn’t until I started thinking about it.

I guess recently I have had a few group events – you know the summer vibe – barbecues or friends hanging out in the park. In this situation I am physically different – mostly shorter. And the terrain is often not so friendly as the inside of a pub or someone’s living room. I feel kind of isolated in the sense that people have to circulate to me, or I have to make a fuss to get to them.

It’s only recently dawned on me. In colder indoor weather or dinner parties everyone sits down and I feel ‘normal’ – just another seated person.

To avoid this feeling I have started seeing mates one on one – that way they have to sit. And I don’t want to have everyone at a party conform to my height so I I have taken control of the situation.

I’m not sure why it bothers me so much to be different as I see it in the mirror and feel it when I am on my own, but I have becomes accustomed to the small peculiarities in my life like bathing on a bath board or putting trousers on whilst seated. But oddly this one unsettles me. I guess it might be a reminder of who I used to be versus who I am now.

Or the fact that my neck is craned for the duration, I can’t get to the cool box, or people need to make me a plate of food and deliver it to me.

Somehow I feel it has zapped my independence. I guess it’s just another case of suck it up and accept that on this occasion it’s just a different experience.

It’s not bad by any means but it just starts to niggle away at that feeling of being a minority. It’s certainly not a reflection on my friends and family.

It’s so odd that the seasons change the way I feel about myself – in winter it’s snow resulting in immobility and cold hands. In autumn it’s wet leaves and grubby hands. In summer it’s feeling short at barbecues in the park.

However, this is the reality of being a wheelchair user.

I am different, physically at least.

Perhaps the solution is to take charge and tell people to grab a seat and sit down next to me or ask for help getting to the grill or the beers in the ice bucket.

Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t a wheelchair user would I be less feisty or be upset about some other factor that differentiates me? I guess five years post-accident I have no idea how I would have developed.

Or maybe the solution is barbecues on a patio and parties on solid ground…if the rain ever stops.

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