Frankie Goodway is feminist and proud!

I had a fairly strange conversation last week. A man I shall call Mark was holding forth on why feminism was unfair, although he admitted he didn’t know or understand what feminism was.

Mark said that no two feminists he had met had defined feminism the same way. To me that seemed straightforward, since feminism is very diverse.

I attempted to explain – we made a brief detour into an analogy with Christianity, in which I learnt that a suprising number of denominations are apparently heretics – but we soon ran into another brick wall.

“Look, my sister says she’s a third wave feminist, and she says if she hits me, I can hit her back, but I can’t.”

That statement was, at that moment, too difficult to unpick in conversation.

I replied that as a feminist I didn’t want anyone hitting anyone else, which was both true and a total cop out.

I am uncomfortable with men not hitting women due to the last vestiges of chivalry sticking around like a bad hangover.

This is not about some fancy sort of row beloved by intellectuals, wringing their hands over the moral rights and wrongs of certain esoteric arguments. It is a far more primal and basic human right than just ‘good manners’. It’s blatantly outdated and there is no argument of any kind than can possibly support it.

Not hitting someone, whether man or woman, shouldn’t be about social niceties but ground into every one of us as a fundemental taboo of our society.

Domestic violence charity Refuge estimates one in four women will suffer DV during their lifetime; approximately two women die at the hands of a partner every week. The perpetrators are overwhelmingly men, the victims nearly always women.

On the face of it, our society abhors gendered violence. In films, the bloke punching out other men with witty one liners is our hero; the man who does the same to a woman is quite simply an animal.

Domestic violence is primarily violence against women, by men. But domestic violence is not horrific because of the sexes or genders of the victim(s) and perpetrator(s). It is horrific because it’s a betrayal of affection, trust, love and the safety of home.

When men like Mark say they can’t hit women, I have to wonder why that comes up so often. Do they already hit men? Do they want to hit women? And if they do, why is it chivalry they have to cling to for their self control? Why not ethics, personal will, or even fear of the law?

Don’t hit women. Don’t hit men, for that matter. But don’t make your stunning ability to not break bones a plus point for your character. It’s a basic requirement.