THERE is a wonderful scene in the romantic comedy Roxanne – a 1980s film starring Steve Martin, which puts a smart, modern day spin on the story of Cyrano de Bergerac.

In it, handsome fireman Chris McConnell is every woman’s dream, but when confronted by the opposite sex, he finds he has to rush to the nearest gents toilet in order to be sick, so bad are his nerves.

However, on one of these occasions his anxiety is only worsened when, attempting to wash his face afterwards, he frantically turns on the men’s room cold tap, only to have water splash over the side of the sink and straight onto the crotch of his trousers.

I mention this only because this week, after work, enjoying a bottle or two with a friend, I spotted that after he’d returned from a perfectly normal visit to the loo, he was sheepishly attempting to cover a small wet patch spreading across his trouser flies.

“Well, what do you expect me to say?” he asked (rather fiercely), as he caught me and several other customers staring.

“Do I really have to go into a lengthy explanation about why this isn’t what you think it is or should I just let you assume I wet myself?”

“No, tell me,” I snapped back.

“Well, I noticed I’d spilled a small drop of wine on my trousers, right here,” he said, pointing cautiously to his zipper.

“So I thought if I added a dab of cold water it might not stain...”

“And?”

“And? It made it worse didn’t it so then I tried to rub it in even harder.”

It was pathetic and he knew it. Even the Pope would struggle to keep a straight face. But his dilemma is not an uncommon one.

Stains on that most delicate of areas can prove excruciatingly embarrassing. But just what should a man do when faced with such a situation?

I have on occasion when I myself have sported an unfortunate stain, spent the best part of a day walking ‘round with a jacket draped oh-so-casually over my arm, and with my arm draped oh-so-casually in front of my crotch.

So what’s the answer? Well, napkins, I think. In much the same way that people use serviettes to protect their loins when dining, a well-placed napkin might, if judiciously used, save one from the shame of looking like someone who desperately needs a doctor’s appointment.

Of course, if that that sounds too ‘technical’ and contrived, simply carry a change of trousers with you at all times.

It’s extreme I grant you, but if it stops the sniggers, the nudging, the whispering just out of earshot, it’s surely worth the inconvenience?