Sir – Christopher Gray’s reviews get more hilarious each week. One of his latest could have been written by Alan Partridge, but as he has never heard of James Corden, I doubt if he has heard of Steve Coogan either.

The Restaurateur’s Lament or “Now we’ve heard it all!”

We’ve swept the floor, we’ve ironed the cloths

Everything seems just right

For important guests are on their way

To be entertained tonight

The Grays are coming — Hip! Hip! Hooray!

We must be at our best

But all’s not right!

A frown, a word twixt Rosemarie and Chris

Something’s wrong — the food, the wine,

The ambience’s amiss?

But no — it’s so much worse than this

We realise when we’re told

We’ve committed that unforgivable sin

“The finger bowl’s too cold!”

Ken Marsland, Kidlington