Dear Fiona,

The penny is starting to drop as to why there has been so much interest in the Mills family situation, and the bottom line is that to the outside wide world this task is "too big" to think about.

Well, it was for me when I first heard it too, but over time I got used to the idea and, true to form, got on with the job.

There is no point in wallowing in self-pity - that only makes you unhappy. It's better to look for something positive within a negative situation and do something constructive.

I'd decided that I couldn't change the situation but I could make the best of it, so helping to find the right parents for Ashton and Lauren is something positive I can do.

I have brought them up to be independent thinkers, unafraid to say how they feel, so we constantly update and review the family bonding.

During the night of the "amnesty", when the kids confessed to all the naughty things they'd done, I cried and said, "I'm sorry I'm going to die and leave you guys". We all hugged.

Ashton said that he wanted to die too, because he didn't want to miss me.

How brave of him to admit to feeling that way, and I accepted that was how he was feeling. I didn't say, "You don't really mean that", like so many parents would because they don't want to acknowledge the child's feelings of such sadness. I understand that it is how Ashton feels right now, but he may not always feel this way.

I said to both of them that they had a very hard job to do, to which Lauren said: "I think you've got the hardest job, you've got to die."

I replied: "Let's just say we've all got a hard job to do."

I am so proud of my little people because the only difference between them and us is the size of our socks, and all their feelings are as important as all of ours.

We enjoy what we can share together and not dwell on what we can't do anything about. There is no point in shouting, "It's not fair". It won't change anything. It's a waste of time - so I don't.

If I do get down, I look for the positives and then I feel better.

That is why everybody is so interested and wants to understand more, because they'd like to learn how to cope with their own difficult situations better.

I hope people do gain something from the experience because my life will have been worthwhile. Caring and sharing is what it's all about.

Love Tobi xxx

Our picture shows cancer-stricken Tobi Mills with children Lauren, left, and Ashton, who are looking for new parents. If you would like to help, you can pledge money on 01865 205192 or by fax on 01865 242569, or at any Lloyds Bank, quoting sort code 30-12-51 and account number 0088442. Cheques should be made payable to The Tobi Mills £10,000 Appeal.

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