Theatre of the absurd

Indeed, their antics at council meetings might tempt you to consider they should switch their choice of venue from the Town Hall to the Oxford Playhouse and hire an agent to take them on the road and secure the more ambitious among them prime roles in pantomime at Christmas.

They certainly seem to enjoy playing to the gallery particularly the Press Gallery, if Oxford City Council's Lord Mayor Val Smith is correct.

During a marathon slanging match sorry, 'council meeting' Val wearily observed: "I wish the man from the Oxford Mail would go home. Then this lot would all stop talking," she sighed. The 'Man from the Oxford Mail' in question was my colleague Mark Templeton, our local government reporter who must often feel that he's covering a branch of showbusiness.

Mark's latest stint in the chamber of horrors lasted a mind-numbing six-and-a-half hours. There's a rumour going round the newsroom that he's still receiving therapy.

If politics is the art of the possible, then local Oxford politics seems to include the possibility of being recognised as an artist.

Who, for example, could ever forget the mighty John Tanner's recent magnificent performance in the Chamber, when, bored beyond belief at the proceedings and this man is the leader of the council, you will recall he dragged out a copy of that day's Oxford Mail and began to catch up on the news. But sometimes our locally elected representatives prefer the bludgeon of confrontation to rapier-like thrusts of wit.

Take the recent no-holds-barred exchange between Labour's Carole Roberts and the Lib Dems' Michael McAndrews. With teeth bared, Cllr McAndrew informed Cllr Roberts that her remarks about a Lib Dem attempt to "get at" John Tanner were "bull" and "crap".

For good measure, he added that she did "not have a clue" about homeless issues.

"Don't you dare tell me I don't know what I'm talking about," riposted the sassy Cllr Roberts.

The debate between the two then descended to low hilarity, with each shouting at the other "Shut up", "No you shut up", in the finest comedic pantomime traditions. Then there was the problem with the pigeons. Cllr McAndrews switched his big guns in the direction of Cllr Susanna Pressel and her suggestion for controlling the pigeon pests.

"She suggested first that we hire a hawk at 5,000 to get rid of the pigeons that was sheer incompetence on her part," he thundered, in his customary jovial manner.

Hire a hawk? You couldn't make this up, could you?

The new proposed centre for Islamic Studies which has been searching for a home longer than Oliver Twist ever did attracted another shaft of Wildean wit from Cllr Maureen Christian, who barked at opposers: "A lot of people are saying that they want this centre but not in this area well, where do you want it? Manchester? Birmingham? Sheffield?" But then that's our city councillors for you. As John Lennon once said when asked if his mother had been musical, "I dunno - but my dad used to say she was a great little performer."

*I have covered council meetings across various parts of the country on and off for the past decade, writes Mark Templeton.

I've been mentioned by councillors during debates before usually when they ask me to make sure I "write that down", a familiar call to any local government reporter.

But I've never been asked to go home.

Even the media relations woman sitting opposite me in the Oxford City Council chamber couldn't help but burst out laughing when Lord Mayor Val Smith blamed me for the marathon six-and-a-half hour meeting. Believe me I did want to go home but only because the meeting was used by many councillors as a party political broadcast for themselves before the May 4 elections.

Oxford city councillors can be a funny bunch and when they get tired after sitting in the town hall for hours they often come out with their best quotes.

The last time I covered council (this time it was seven hours) , its leader, John Tanner, said he was "bored out of his skull" which earned him a place on our front page.

I wouldn't have got that if I'd gone home.

The average Oxford City Council meeting lasts a couple of hours and, to be fair, they are fairly well run apart from the mountains of paperwork they have to sift through. But the council meeting is turning into something of a joke, especially when councillors start asking you if you've brought along your sleeping bag.

Nearly seven hours is far too long for what, at the end of the day, is a meeting which rubber stamps decisions already taken.

But the Oxford Mail will be there until the end even if it annoys the Lord Mayor.