Well, that was that, then. Fourteen hours and 24 minutes that will change the world and the lives of everyone in it for ever. It happened between 5.54am and 8.18pm on May 3. What do you mean, you missed it? asks George Frew.

Tut, tut, we are talking astrological history in the making here and you mean to say you weren't paying attention? Didn't you feel the planets move, darling?

Move they did, according to gnomic media stargazer Jonathan Cainer, reputed to be the most highly paid journalistic astrologer on this planet. According to the follically challenged one, the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, Mars, Venus, Jupiter and Saturn all passed through the same zodiac sign at the same time yesterday (Taurus, if you're interested). Big deal, I hear you say, but to those who believe in astrology let alone make their handsome livings from it this was indeed a deal of galactic proportions.

So what does it all mean? According to Mr Cainer, we are all about to start behaving more positively and less pessimistically.

Hopeless resignation will be a thing of the past. So that's great news for the long-suffering fans of Oxford United, at any rate.

Mr Cainer also insists that the human race will journey further in the next 20 years than it has in the last 200. The astrologer assures us that the dream we are dreaming today will become the reality we are living in tomorrow.

Of course, your own particular dream will hinge on which star sign you were born under.

Say, for instance, you're Aries. If you are, get set to acquire some serious dosh.

Here, sadly, Mr Cainer sort of hedges his bets. Sternly, he warns Ariens not to start dreaming about winning lotteries and the like.

Instead, he advocates hard work as The Ram's route to a bulging wallet. Ho, hum. For those of us born under Aquarius, we are about to discover true safety and freedom. This sounds nice, if somewhat dull. It seems we Aquarians must learn to ditch the people and things we think we need to make us feel secure, but that in fact are just so many millstones around our necks. Hmmm...

Like most (relatively) sane and sensible folk, if I'm thumbing through a newspaper and my eyes happen to light upon the astrology column, I find it difficult to drag them away before I know what's in store for Aquarians.

Still, at least this latest planetary conjunction means one small snippet of good news for a man (or woman) and a giant leap of achievement for mankind. Rest assured after all, it's written in the stars.

And in Mr Cainer's lucrative column...