THERE are few clubs in Oxford that I actively try to avoid, and I’m afraid to say that Lava Ignite is one of them. But honestly I couldn’t tell you why.

My duty however, as fearsome and dedicated club reviewer, has brought me once more to the terrifying spectacle that is S.E.X at Lava Ignite, in Park Street, and damn it, I’m going to figure out why I don’t like it, which as it turns out is more difficult than I had believed.

Our night begins at the bar, as well it should. The drinks are cheap, but the enormously popular bar is ludicrously understaffed, culminating in a 20-minute wait for our beers. With drinks in hand we head to the R’n’B room, which is the worst the night has to offer.

The music lacks the flair and inventiveness that make an R’n’B night great, and the crowd are grinding against each other as though they were taking part in some dreadful Neolithic mating ritual. After a terrifying man accuses me of having stolen his drink (a VK apple) I decide a hasty exit is necessary.

On to the dance room, which I honestly rather like.

The music isn’t really as fresh as it should be, and the lack of any drum and bass/dubstep/electro is a little disappointing, but the tunes that are present are an awful lot of fun. It’s a little like stepping back in time by about five years and just dancing your heart out to anything with a beat, which is extraordinarily cathartic.

With our adrenaline going and a few more beers down us we move on to what is unquestionably the star attraction of the night, the cheese room.

I’ve always felt that it doesn’t take much to put on a cheese night, and DJing them has always struck me as incredibly easy, essentially just putting on any record that will either spark nostalgia or ring out as a camp anthem, but tonight I am utterly silenced. The DJs are masterful, every tune is a classic and I’ve never seen a dance floor so utterly packed, and yet still wanted to be a part of it myself.

With beers in our stomachs and surrounded by the deliriously happy faces of the people around us, clearly enjoying the cheese room as much as we were, the time literally disappears, and all too soon it’s 2am and we are being asked to make our way home.

For a club of its size and popularity I find it difficult to understand why Lava Ignite doesn’t stay open until three, and eventually we decide to head to the Purple Turtle for one last hour of drinking.

So as it turns out I failed – I didn’t discover why I have such a bad opinion of Lava Ignite. In fact I found a great deal of reasons to go.

The one thing that still puts me off is the R’n’B room, which strikes me as a breeding ground, though I suppose if you go to S.E.X looking for sex, then it’s the room for you. For me the night is all about the cheese room, a place you can get happily drunk at a decent price and enjoy an extremely fun night surrounded by people who are purely there for a fun night out.

And that is, finally, what S.E.X is, an extraordinary amount of fun.