We now have even more idiots jumping on the 'save the planet, global warming' bandwagon and swallowing every mantra that emanates from the mouths of hysterical so-called experts.

If they used any intelligence they might have, they would discover the true facts.

This greeny business has reached epidemic proportions, due to the ignorant rantings of the doomsters.

The latest wheeze is to ban patio heaters, no doubt to ensure that pub smokers die of hypothermia, while the lone non-smoker talks to himself inside at the bar.

All the new patio heaters installed outside pubs will kill every living creature on the planet before next Christmas, due to an extra million zillion tons of carbon dioxide produced.

Our wonderful, unelected, overpaid masters at the EU are now debating whether to ban them outright, and to order them to be sent to China to be turned into fridges.

However, one sane expert, Dr Eric Johnson, national expert reviewer for the United Nations' framework convention on climate change, said that plasma televisions produced more carbon dioxide than patio heaters and that the impact of these heaters was almost non-existent.

Wind turbines, unless sited on an exposed, windy promentory, are about as much use as a one-legged man at a bum-kicking party.

But hey ho, greeny brothers, let's stick them all over Oxford anyway, as it'll make us look good.

Have any city councillors taken into account the amount of energy required to produce these things? It's probably more than they'll ever produce.

Not to be left out, though, I have a patent pending for a skeletal skull cap fitted with a windmill on top to power my mobile phone.

I bet I could have got a grant, but I didn't bother trying.

So if you really want to save the planet, stop watching Oxford United getting a drubbing at Port Vale on your plasma TV, turn it off and get down the boozer and have a fag - you know it makes sense.

TONY ANCHORS Didcot