WHEN in merry mood, I sometimes respond to unexpected telephonic calls armed with a selection of foreign poetry and the like.

Imagine my frustration when, the other day, I lifted the receiver only to hear a recorded, female, North American voice declare: “I’m sorry, that’s not valid extension – please try again.”

This was an obviously impossible (as well as unattractive) task, not only because I had not previously done so, but also because the ‘caller’ had unsurprisingly withheld their number. I thought I was supposed to be something of a loony (if one is still permitted to employ such expressions to describe oneself).

Half an hour later, a ‘live’ woman asked to speak to Mr (hideous mispronunciation of my surname), to which I replied she could nonetheless talk to Mr (correct pronunciation) if she wished.

Apparently representing Midland Claims, she enquired as to whether I had ever worked around noisy machinery.

“No,” I answered.

“Okay, then,” she said and hung up. But is it?

Where is it all going to end?

Had I been deafened or traumatised by working around noisy machinery, I am unsure that I would have picked up the phone in the first place!

DAVID DIMENT
Riverside Court
Oxford







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