Auto Eroticism

For instance, I never knew that the inventor of the first contraption that could possibly be called a car was in fact Carl Benz.

Back in 1886 he stuck a four-stroke combustion engine on a chassis that didn’t look like it should be pulled by horses and the rest is history, as they say.

A similar historical note was that Mr Benz was struggling to market his invention, being more of an engineer than a salesman, particularly as the good burghers of Mannheim in Germany insisted on him crawling around behind a bloke waving a flag, with passers-by laughing at his expense.

So one night, while he was asleep, his wife Bertha and teenage sons Richard and Eugen jumped in the car and drove to see her family more than 60 miles away in Pforzheim.

Despite the fact they automatically became the world’s first joyriders with poor old Carl also uttering the phrase “someone’s nicked my car” for the first time, the trip was so remarkable it put Benz’s three-wheeled bone-shakers on the map.

He later joined forces with local company, Daimler, and another business partner, Emil Jellinek, who had a daughter called Mercedes.

And so we have the swish Mercedes Benz motors of today which are about as far removed as you can get from the original car.

If you have read this far, then the chances are you have more than a passing interest in motors.

In fact, you may even consider visiting the Baden-Wuerttemberg region around Stuttgart for the Automobile Summer 2011 celebration, which commemorates the 125th anniversary of Benz’s invention.

And it’s well worth the trip. In four packed days I ate, slept and drank cars, but even after that I still felt I would like to return for more.

The journey started at 4am with a red-eye trip to Stansted, not the handiest of airports from Oxford but at least a straight 90-minute drive at that time of the morning.

I took a flight to Stuttgart courtesy of new airline Germanwings and was ready for my adventure after a late breakfast of pretzels (very good) and coffee.

In fact, my first port of call was not too far at all as we popped into the Retro Classics exhibition at the Stuttgart Trade Fair near the airport, featuring five halls packed with cars of every description from bygone eras. Even the car park was full of enthusiasts and their vehicles.

I was like a kid in a sweet shop as I hopped from hall to hall drinking in the array of vehicles. Yes, there are lots of German cars of every type, but there are plenty more.

It’s a peculiar fact that Germans seem to love British cars. So there were more Jaguars than you could shake a stick at, while my eye was caught by a couple of restored Series One Land Rovers from the early 1960s. There was even the odd Abingdon-built MG taking their place among the Porsches.

I stayed at the V8 Hotel which has its own fantastic collection of cars along with its own brewery (fantastic pils beer) and a series of themed rooms, some of which have beds actually made from car bodies including a Cowley-built Morris Minor.

The bed in my room was fashioned as a winning podium at a grand prix and I slept with pictures of James Hunt and Nikki Lauda looking over me, which was slightly disconcerting.

Then it was on to the Mercedes Benz museum in Stuttgart to see every generation of Merc ever produced, all beautifully presented and again a real lesson in motoring history. People seem to love this place – it has attracted three million visitors in the four years it has been open.

Another highlight was a visit to the Hockenheim Race Track, the venue for the German Grand Prix.

I watched members of the public trying out their skills in their ordinary cars and, on the whole, failing to impress, giving an idea of the skill of the professional drivers.

We also visited a memorial to Scottish driver Jim Clark who died at the track in 1968, which provided a touching moment.

After staying in Mannheim I took some time out from cars to take a guided city tour which highlighted the number of post-war buildings and gave an insight into the scale of destruction in such industrial areas inflicted by Allied air forces.

But you are never far away from the automotive industry and in the centre of the city stands a monument to its most famous son, Mr Benz.

Then it was off to the Auto&Technik Museum at Sinsheim, about an hour’s drive away from Stuttgart.

Again this was a dream for any transport enthusiast as it contained not just a vast array of cars but also a genuine Concorde aeroplane mounted on a huge metal pillar, as well as its Russian equivalent, the Tupolev 134.

Having explored these two giants of the skies, I slid down a metal helter skelter to begin my exploration of the vehicles below. For me this provided the highlight of the whole trip with the exhibition of American dream cars.

They were all there – Oldsmobiles, Cadillacs and Plymouths from the “golden era” of US car production, the 1950s and ’60s, in their gargantuan glory.

I could have stayed in this section for hours. As it was, there was just time for a whizz around the miltary vehicles and first-hand experience of a Panther tank, designed to defeat the Russian T34 in the Second World War. With turning tracks and sound effects, this was a terrifying but thrilling spectacle.

Just as exciting was the sound of an Audi R8 being revved up at the factory, which was the site of another stop on the tour. The R8 is a genuine supercar complete with V10 Lamborghini engine and it was a privilege to see them being assembled from a shell to the final car, which costs up to £116,000.

The problem with this holiday is there was almost too much to take in. I haven’t mentioned the Porsche Museum with its collection of yes, you guessed it, Porsches, or the fantastic Hotel Schloss Lehen, a beautifully appointed castle where we dined on veal cheeks in truffle sauce.

Just another memorable moment in four days of unforgettable experiences which I would love to repeat.

• GETTING THERE

Germanwings prices start at £13.99 one way. Call 0906 294 1918 or see the website germanwings.com

• STAYING THERE

The V8 Hotel, Stuttgart, above. Prices range from 125 euros (single) to 450 euros (suite). Log on to v8hotel.de/en

Maritim Parkhotel, Mannheim, 85-190 euros. Go to maritim.com

Hotel Schloss Lehen, Bad Friedrichsshall, 89-170 euros. Go to schlosslehen.de