After A Fashion

Milan? Ever been there? Well do – as a weekend getaway, trust me, it can’t be bettered.

The flight from Heathrow is just a little under two hours, and once you land, the journey in from the airport takes around 50 minutes (and there are plenty of buses to take you into the city’s central train station – the gloriously grand and ornate Stazione Centrale).

We had kept our eyes peeled on the Internet and picked up a great deal from Lufthansa: £50 return, each, leaving early Friday morning and returning late afternoon Sunday.

And because it’s a major carrier instead of one of those economy airlines, we weren’t treated like cattle or dumped at an airport a day’s drive from our destination (today’s lesson is: browse the Net).

Anyway, because it was a last-minute booking, we hadn’t really done any research, and so after alighting from the airport shuttle, we really didn’t have a clue what to do next (or where to go). We just had a vague collection of names instead – Prada, Gucci, Versace, Armani and Dolce & Gabbana.

That was it. We knew if we could just touch base with these icons of the fashion world, we’d feel we’d arrived.

Our hotel, Hotel Nettuno, was a small, bargain-basement little number, just 15 minutes walk from the coach and train station. And believe it or not, at just £20 a night per head, it turned out to be brilliant.

Yes, it was in the process of being refurbished, and yes there were exposed cables/pipes spilling out of exposed brickwork, but the rooms themselves, while basic, were clean (save for the ants), well equipped and pleasant. And the staff couldn’t have been friendlier or more helpful. Indeed, I’d cheerfully stay there again.

That first afternoon, happy to be there but ignorant of just ‘where’ actually was, we strode out in completely the wrong direction and spent our first four hours in Europe’s fashion capital, wandering around it’s social housing and few heavy machine plants.

True, not perfect, but the sun was blazing down and the cappucinos were perfect.

That night we got drunk on cheap booze (which, believe it or not, we drank in our room) and on the Saturday morning, started to get it right.

We woke to blue skies and a hazy glow and, actually following a map this time, walked straight into the centre of the city’s fashionable quarter – from our hotel, a lazy 20 minute saunter. And that’s when it hits you – YOU’RE IN MILAN!

Of course, it may not be the ‘real’ Milan, but it’s the make-believe one and isn’t that why you come here? – to stare in shop windows, loiter near the Ferraris and Porsches, and watch, wryly (if you’re a bloke) and in awe (if you’re a woman) at the posturing of the local police – all aviator glasses, biceps, stubble and too-tight trousers.

Naturally, it’s the fashion houses that attract the most attention, but be warned, they can prove intimidating to mere mortals in M&S underwear.

All their staff seem to wear black-and-white suits, boast cheekbones you could ski down, and don’t look like the kind of people who’d be too impressed by anyone asking ‘Er...how much?’ So after wilting under their haughty stares (it’s a designer rite of passage), do what we did – find a nice outdoor cafe (there are plenty and they’re very reasonable), plonk yourself down, and enjoy the floor show... alfresco.

The cafe we chose, just along from the Duomo (Milan’s grand cathedral) and the outrageously elegant Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II (a glorified shopping mall), served free cheese, meats and olives with every glass of wine, so our dining budget was kept to a minimum.

And that, in a nutshell, was how we spent the waking hours of our 48-hour fashion sortie.

Shallow, no argument (we didn’t even go inside the Duomo) but hugely enjoyable nonetheless.

And with change to spare from our £100 spending budget, who could ask for more?

MUST-DOS: (remember, you only have 48 hours): * Visit the McDonalds in the Galleria Vittoria Emanuele II – it’s surreal * Wander down Via Manzoni and all streets leading off (the shop windows look good enough to eat) * Don’t do what we did – actually visit the Duomo (but beware of street traders) * Wear sunglasses, even at midnight * Don’t order milky coffees after 10.30am.

FACT FILE: Stayed at Hotel Nettuno, Via Tadino 27 (a quiet street just off Corso Buenos Aires). nettunomilano.it +39 02 294 04481 Flew with Lufthansa – lufthansa.co.uk