It’s not my fault. Seriously, it isn’t – my hands are tied and despite poring over the dictionary, I can’t find any other suitable words.

So if you feel like this is deja vu, well, then you’re right, because for the fifth year in a row, the Oxford Playhouse Christmas panto has delivered a rip-roarer of a show.

I know, I know, I said the same last year, and the year before (and oh hell, the year before that too), but sometimes GOOD really does triumph, and Mother Goose proves that. Hands down. No contest.

With an economic climate as gloomy and terrifying as anything the Brothers Grimm could dream up, the one, total, absolute guarantee is that a ticket to the Playhouse panto is like turning lead into gold. And you’ll come out beaming.

Its feel-good factor just about beats scaling Everest or watching, at last, a girl group win X Factor. And it does what so many Christmas movies claim, but fail to do – it reminds you what it feels like to be a kid again.

If I had a choice between watching some multi-award-winning Shakespearian epic, or a Broadway smash that the critics love and tradional theatre-goers fawn over, I’d stick with this.

Sure, it takes a little while to get going (about 11 minutes by my watch), but after that, it’s nothing short of that Christmas present you always wanted but never really believed you’d get.

Production-wise, it is simply breathtaking – the flight around the world aboard the goose that lays the golden eggs is magical, as is the first appearance of the geese family, and in a more current, conventional vein, its staging of Jesse J’s It’s Not About The Money is inspired.

Plus, the theatre itself is always so welcoming, so Christmassy, that before you know it you start pointing your finger and shouting ‘Behind You’.

The cast give it their all (and why shouldn’t they? A screaming, laughing, cheering throng of theatregoers has got to be why they stepped on stage in the first place), and the dame, is masterfully played by Chris Larner.

Similarly, the boo-hiss-baddy, the Wicked Witch of Walberswick (Ashleigh Gray) will scare the children and excite the dads, while Billy (Paul Charlton) is everybody’s friend.

Please sir, can I have some more?

Mother Goose runs until Sunday January 15. Call the box office on 01865 305305.