With rehearsals now in full swing ‘The Accrington Pals’ is shaping up nicely. Some nights we rehearse in the Church Hall and I have to confess there is some colourful military language as you would expect from soldiers engaged in trench warfare, but this does not stop me expecting a thunderbolt through the stained glass window at anytime. One of the props we do need for this epic is a tin bath. Should any reader chance to trawl through this week’s offering happen to own such an item and could do without the tub and wash in the sink for a couple of weeks perhaps they could let me know. I did promise an analytical review of ‘allo, ‘allo this week following a visit to the New Theatre to see Jeffrey Holland and Vicki Michelle in the stage version of the TV show. Now this is a play we did about five or six years ago and I amazed myself how many lines I remembered. I realise ‘allo, ‘allo isn’t to everyone’s taste but the audience as you would expect lapped it up. Jeffrey Holland I thought was particularly good as Rene and naturally Vicki Michelle as the original Yvette hid her years well. The plot is really made up of two stories one told in each act and both centring round the portrait of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies. Like I say not for everyone but a very worthy effort by the professionals and except for a couple of characters mis-cast including Rene’s wife and Helga a faultless production making an enjoyable evening. Getting back to ‘The Accrington Pals’ this is going to be a hard task to find the props for this play, apart from the bath, there is a huge list of period equipment required so if anyone can help with uniforms, rifles and a trench, here we are. Now here is a very quick history lesson, think on: 1. Teaching Maths In 1970: A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Maths In 1980: A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Maths In 1990: A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is £800. Did he make a profit? 4. Teaching Maths In 2000: A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200. Your assignment: Underline the number 200. 5. Teaching Maths In 2008: A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.) Like I said I would have laughed......