I’ve lost count of the number of movies I’ve starred in. True, most of them have been small, independently shot films, but a few have been slightly larger in budget.

And of course I’ve always modelled.

Fact is, I must have appeared in literally thousands of photographs over the years, though few people realise just how difficult it is to always look identical (smug, self-satisfied, desperate).

Yet as many who know me will testify, I never charge for these appearances since I view it as kind of community service.

After all, I’m a great advocate of that axiom – you only get out of life what you put in.

But if I may be candid, my last payslip came as something of a shock.

Newsquest hadn’t allowed for my frequent jaunts to Paris with Flybe or the fact that ‘lunching’ with the good and great of Oxford is a huge personal commitment.

So in these tough economic times, I’ve decided not to tighten my belt but rather – and it gives me no pleasure I assure you – to charge for my appearances.

For instance, if I was to command a straight fee from tourists for every photograph I’m featured in, that would easily pay for an extension (to my overdraft, not my apartment).

Especially since in an average day, I can probably be seen loitering in the background of at least 50 to 60 different snaps of Broad Street and Oxford Castle.

And it’s not like I prostitute myself; people just seem to like having me slightly out of focus in their picture albums.

Indeed, if I’m honest, things have got so bad, I may even have to consider charging not just a one-off payment, but royalties too.

The Japanese economy is still going strong, as is the German, and I know for a fact I have been filmed by both sets of tourists sunbathing outside the Ashmolean (its courtyard is a real sun trap).

Surely I’m entitled to see some kind of recompense for adding colour and a little glamour to their otherwise predictable snaps (Radcliffe Camera, Carfax Tower, and exteriors of The Eagle and Child).

For stills say £1 a pic, and for actual home movies, £10 per minute is reasonable.

Come to think about it, we could all charge couldn’t we? I mean, Oxford is one of the most photographed cities in the world, and what makes each and every one of those pictures so special? That’s right, us in the background.

Think about it, if we weren’t there, wouldn’t their pictorial keepsakes lack a certain something? Wouldn’t Christ Church look a tad ‘apocalyptic’, St Giles a wasteland and Magdalen Bridge desolate?

I think so. And what’s more, I’m tired of just being taken for granted.

Which is why from now on I’ll be sporting a price tag around my neck – ‘Jeremy Smith Inc. All Rights Reserved’.

Just try and snap me now...