Technology is beginning to ‘byte’ back. The rise of the robot army is subtle but devastating.

Now, I’m not one for holding back the advancement of gadgets that save us time and money and provide comfort and excitement in our lives.

However, on occasion I do hark back to a time when telephones were a simple device found only in homes, where watches just told the time and computers were so unwieldy they were housed in aircraft hangers.

Yet the evolution of technology saves time and money.

My little chipolata-sized fingers are currently furiously typing this article on an i-pad, which when done will be pinged by email to the editor courtesy of the wi-fi on my mobile phone.

But at what price?

Our reliance on technology and the energy that fuels it is just one of the signs that we humans are losing the battle against machine.

Last week the high winds took out power lines over parts of Oxfordshire. Thankfully not my enclave, otherwise I’d have been panicked on to the streets screaming “to the high ground” dressed in just my pants, mobile phone held aloft like a Rob Roy sabre.

“Nomobophobia” is now a recognised condition. Kind of. It affects anyone who accidentally leaves their phone in a different location to the rest of their body.

A swath of panic overwhelms the victim if parted from their device for any period longer than five seconds.

Often frantic messages are left on other social media networks to inform nearest and dearest of this tragic turn of events.

“Left phone at home. Contactable on here”, winking smiley face.

It’s almost impossible to imagine how we ever coped before we could update friends with our every movement, and now with Twitter, strangers too! I’m often found telling whoever will listen what sandwich I wish I was eating.

It leaves us with no air of mystery and nothing to say when we see each other face to face.

Conversation is dead, and that’s what the machines want.

For when the day comes and our phones, Facebook and Tweets stop working, we’ll have no way of communicating with each other.

The most pernicious of all the effects of this mechanical takeover is on the person who dares not keep up to date with the advancement.

Last month I completely forgot my best friend’s birthday.

I know, I’m a terrible human being, but what made it worse was the countless messages of congratulations he received from people he barely knows, people who wouldn’t even make the footnotes of the written history of his life.

How? Well, his “Facebook friends” got a little reminder message telling them it was his birthday. It put me in a very awkward position, but that’s what these chipboard menaces want.

To pit best friends against each other.

To drive a wedge between those who grasp technology and those who do not.

So what chance have I got?

I have to rely on my brain, oh and Twitter @JOELHAMMER for the record . . .