“WE could pinch one of those bikes and no-one would suspect us. They’d blame the college.”

The temptress in my story was no gangster’s moll or the graduate of a young offenders’ detention centre but a smartly dressed grandmother of 74 summers (she volunteered this information), whom I met for the first time as we studied a notice on the railings outside St Peter’s College in New Inn Hall Street.

Its wording made matters perfectly clear: “Any bicycles leant against or chained to the railings will be removed without warning.”

There, bold as brass, were three cycles, all betraying evidence of student ownership and each ready for any bike-snatchers to chance their luck.

My would-be partner in crime asked which of the three I’d prefer to remove if we went ahead with the scheme.

To be honest none took my eye, while the prospect of being charged with wilful damage to a cycle chain and the removal of property without permission, floated my boat even less.

Furthermore I had never been invited to St Peter’s College, but I didn’t want to scupper the unlikely chance of this happening.

She absorbed this disappointment and changed tack. “You’d hope that those who come to Oxford to study would have mastered reading English,” she said loftily. “This doesn’t seem to be always the case.”

I was happy to agree, but still headed for the crush that was Queen Street in case she came up with another plan.

WHILE on the topic of adventurous grandmothers, you’re never too old to try something new – just ask Marston’s Beryl Turner.

Feeling too lazy to contemplate cooking an evening meal, I popped into Noodle Nation in Gloucester Green, a restaurant where oriental dishes abound. Sitting with her daughter was 92-year-old Beryl, working her way through a noodle-packed dish. It was her introduction to eastern cuisine.

I silently recalled the day more than 40 years ago when I persuaded my parents to ‘go Chinese’. Mam settled for egg fu yung (an omelette if ever I saw one) while my father chickened out and went for sirloin steak (rare).

Future attempts to lure them towards other Chinese foods proved fruitless. What would Beryl’s reaction be?

“It was all right,” she said brightly, and with a smile that suggested she could be persuaded to return.

FINALLY, a comment from a shell-shocked, gown and carnation-wearing female undergraduate on leaving the Examinations School in High Street: “After that, I’m definitely going out tonight.”

Determination fuelled every word as she planned her own revenge on a difficult paper. Who could blame her?