IT’S funny, but my earliest memory of sex, or at least people kissing passionately while taking off their clothes, was Dad suddenly leaping up off the sofa, his back to the TV screen, exclaiming: “What is this rubbish!?”

Mum on the other hand would just pick up a newspaper, rustle it loudly, and then announce: “Ooh Luv, there’s a nice music show on the other side...”

It was a routine that was repeated over and over during my teenage years when any programme featured violence, bad language or, bizarrely, Matt Munro, a singer Mum couldn’t stand. So when aged 11, I asked Dad if I could stay up late to watch a film I’d heard about at school. I was gobsmacked when he said yes.

It was Psycho, the famous black-and-white chiller directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Not that I saw the ‘best’ bit however – Dad, watching it with me and every bit as engrossed, couldn’t help himself when the shower scene started.

As Janet Leigh stepped into the bath, he stood up, walked swiftly in front of the Hitachi portable, turned round and asked: “So, what shall I get your Mum for her birthday...?” (by the time I said “flowers”, and remember, I was under pressure, I could hear those screams... poor Janet had been sliced and diced).

It was another five years before I saw the whole film, start to finish, but it mattered little as the bug had already bitten. You see, even without the slash and splatter of Norman Bates’ knife, I knew I’d just seen the best film of my life.

So pardon the shamelessness of this promotional tie-in, but with Easter and the Royal Wedding coming up, I didn’t want this year’s Oxford Mail/Phoenix Picturehouse Film Festival to get overshadowed by these other headline acts.

After all, you know what it’s like – what with eggs, bunnies and the happy couple cutting the cake, you could be forgiven for wanting, albeit momentarily, to lift your foot off the adrenaline pedal.

In order then to help you better pace yourself, here’s the plan: stuff your face with chocolate, and breathe; toast the happy couple, and breathe; and then get all excited from Sunday, May 8, to Friday, May 13, when we screen seven of Alfred Hitchcock’s greatest films. And yes, Psycho will be one of them.

As for the others? Well, in no particular order (but starting with my favourite first, so there), we’ll be showing North By Northwest, Rear Window, Vertigo, Strangers On A Train, Frenzy and The Lodger (Hitchock’s first true commercial success from 1927).

For any of you who like to be thrilled, chilled and genuinely kept rigid on the edge-of-your-seat, this really is a must-do, must-see event.

And best of all, when the the screaming starts, I promise I won’t stand in front of the screen...

For further information, either email me jeremy.smith@nqo.com or call the Phoenix Picturehouse in Walton Street, Oxford on 01865 316570.