Traditionally at this time of year, most people except teachers, vegetarians and eco-warriors (or is that worriers?) would be hanging up their cycle clips until the good weather returned, leaving only the totally committed fitness bores to get in the way of legitimate road users.

Having spent the summer dodging two-wheeled road hogs, you should expect to be able to drive the roads of the county in peace during the winter months.

But they seem to have evolved into pack animals and it’s not unusual to come across whole herds of men in brightly coloured tights who should take a closer look at their maps and realise that they are actually in Oxfordshire and not charging for yellow jersey glory in the Tour de France.

With the dark mornings and evenings of winter ahead of us, you are likely to come across anything from darkly clad hoodies on stolen mountain bikes to mobile cycle discos covered with lights.

It’s a far cry from the days when eccentric lecturers and poor students restricted their erratic road use to the streets of Oxford; since then, the plague has spread and even on the remotest country lanes you will find groups of them riding two or more abreast; sometimes even towing their offspring or small dogs in little chariots behind them.

They must be bonkers because by the time you have gone to the expense of investing in a bicycle, a weatherproof pod for your child and a wardrobe full of overpriced waterproof gear; you might as well have bought a small car.

If the objective is getting from A to B efficiently by way of two wheels, then at least buy a motorcycle, which leads us to the question of why did somebody go to the trouble of inventing a machine with wheels and fancy gear set-ups and then forget to add an engine?

If it’s all about health and fitness, then why do you see so many overweight blokes dressed like girls, huffing and puffing while pushing their bikes up hills?

Instead of those silly isotonic drink potions and tasteless energy bars, they should try my championship winning formula of a mug of hot tea and a bag of fish and chips before they set off.