So, here we are – in the middle of the busiest holiday month of the year. Which means many of you will either be airborne at this precise moment, or getting ready to fly off to warmer climes within the next week or so.

So please, may I ask a favour; for the sake of everyone else and out of a simple pride for your own hometown (after all, despite being an international traveller, you’re also an Oxonian and, as such, an ambassador for this city), could you refrain from being a jet-jerk?

‘Jet-jerk’ of course is a made-up expression, coined by me, after years of travelling with people who just don’t seem to grasp the true miracle of modern flight.

Because let’s face it, strip away the cosmetics of the airline industry and what you’re left with is this simple, profound fact – you will take off in a metal machine that weighs hundreds of tons and flies at an average altitude of 33,000ft (that’s more than six miles up).

At this height, the temperature is about -60, and if you’re unlucky enough to fall from this atmospheric platform, you’ll hit the ground at approximately 120mph (that’s pretty cold and pretty fast).

In short, when flying, with whatever airline, you’re ‘spam in a can’ and it’s a genuine miracle you’re up there at all.

Which is why I can’t believe the stupidity of some people when they do fly.

For instance, a few weeks ago, travelling back from Italy, I sat next to a man who complained his economy meal (a chicken dish) was tasteless. And when I say ‘complained’, I mean he got up from his seat and started shouting at the stewardess.

She, by way of reply, said she’d get him another, a free drink, a soft toy if he wanted it, but he wouldn’t let it go; he said he was going to write to the managing director, demand a refund, contact the airline ombudsman etc.

Unbelievably, a few of my fellow passengers actually nodded their heads in agreement. And all because at 33,000ft, at an average speed of 500mph, his chicken lacked ‘flavour’ (his word).

Now, had the two passengers sitting next to him just been sucked out of their seats due to a crack in the hull of the plane, and in doing so knocked his chicken meal onto his lap, thus soiling his trousers, I could have understood.

As it was, if his seat had boasted an ‘ejector’ option, I’d have pressed it, because morons like this don’t deserve to fly. They should be forced to travel National Express instead.

And in a similar vein, I can never understand people who insist their on-board luggage should consist of a suitcase weighing 75lb and measuring 8x8x4’, and who then complain – and delay take-off – because they can’t: (a) lift it above their knees; and (b) squeeze it, even with the help of a chainsaw, into the overhead locker.

So please, if you are flying away soon, try to remember this: only complain if you find yourself sat next to a stupid kid, who insists on pressing the lever marked ‘Open’...