Question: So you want to know the secret to a long and contented life? The answer is: buy a bigger sofa. And why should this item of home furnishing make any difference when foreign holidays, sex and hard liquor clearly haven’t?

Because advertisements rightly remind us that happy, successful and physically attractive people are only happy, successful and attractive because they do own vast new sofas.

Indeed, whatever the product being advertised, the cute and sexy couple who’ve just bought it always end up on a big, colourful sofa, either petting, laughing, or having a pillow fight (by the way, sofas aren’t settees anymore – unless you wear slippers and use Yardley Lavender).

It’s no wonder then that so many of us who don’t own these sofas feel excluded and passed over by friends, colleagues and family who do.

Not that this paranoia happens overnight, of course. But as life ticks by, dissatisfaction starts seeping in.

And why wouldn’t it when every day you’re reminded what a loser you are. What a failure. What an ugly, impotent wash-out.

Until inevitably, you wake to find you’re not satisfied with anything – not your partner, your kids, your job, car or teeth.

So, naturally enough, you take the only course of action open to you; which is buy now, pay next year, and order that leather recliner.

Sadly, buying all these latest must-haves is clearly nothing more than a substitute for sex. And if you dispute that, consider this: do you know of any young people in the first throes of love who worry about furniture or kitchen fittings? Because I don’t.

But wander along Botley Road on any given Sunday and watch as the couples spill out of its various retail outlets, Terms and Conditions grasped firmly in hand, their faces briefly flushed from the post-coital after-glow of an interest-free purchase.

So, what can you do? Well, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

With the credit crunch clearly dampening spirits, why not beat those New Year blues by actually investing in a new sofa and save yourself the cost of counselling, prescription anti-depressants and seeking solace in drink. I mean, it’s worked for me...

manabouttown@oxfordmail.co.uk