Bike weddings. When I look at those words, I feel the need to break into song - Billy Idol's Nice Day for a Bike Wedding (my special version, that is).

Visiting Waltham Abbey, near London, recently on one of my summer excursions, I was disheartened to see a limousine with tinted windows waiting outside the church for the bride and groom.

It was the day they'd dreamed of for ages, and with this summer's weather being so appalling, the couple must have thanked their lucky stars for the beautiful day. They weren't, however, blessed with taste. Even as a girl, I knew us women always want a glam dress, but if you were going to spend several hundreds or thousands of pounds on all that material, surely you'd want to show it off a bit, not just sit in the dark looking from the outside like a dodgy drug-dealer.

Of course, style for me would have to involve a bicycle. I have heard of several cycle weddings from friends, including some where all the guests are expected to cycle to the service and then on to the reception. This does restrict outfits, for girls especially, and those hired suits are not going to be well received with chain marks, so perhaps including bike-clips in the wedding invitation would be useful.

Of course, you can't really use your bike clips on a giant meringue wedding dress, so I guess a bride and groom tandem would be out of the question, although if you had the figure for it, you could get some ivory satin padded cycling shorts made specially.

I'm not sure I should admit having a comedy wedding fantasy, but here we go: I'd love to relive the Goodies and go to the wedding on a three-person tandem (a trandem' perhaps?), with Graeme Garden at the front and Tim Brooke-Taylor in the middle.

More seriously, there are some bicycle designs that could be appropriate.

A few years ago, I went to a bicycle display where one bike was the size of a small car with four red bucket seats and recliner style pedalling for all. With a parasol uptop, it could be entirely appropriate for a wedding vehicle.

Some traditional-style Dutch bikes have a sort of wooden wheelbarrow at the front, so I guess a bride could sit in front - there is at least one of these bikes in East Oxford, although I haven't seen it used for this purpose yet! Our new Oxcart bicycle rickshaws in Oxford could make the perfect arrival and departure at a wedding without having to do any pedalling.

But for a real showstopper, how about a reception on the hoof (pedal), cycling round town with a giant bike contraption that's cycled sideways, with riders facing (and presumably drinking at) the bar in the centre.

You get to burn off your drink before you order your next one, and the only drawback seems to be the limit to the number of people who can be served.

My personal plan for a wedding involves Colin Firth as the bridegroom, and with A Bicycle Made for Two ringing out as I go down the aisle. My main problems with this plan are the fact that I've still not met Colin Firth, and he has already gone and married someone else. Drat!