JULIE arrived at the women's refuge in Oxford with her three children in the clothes they stood up in, penniless, homeless, frightened and alone.

After seven years of abuse she had gone to stay with a friend. Her partner Frank - not their real names - found her and demanded to have sex in the same room as their children. When she protested he beat her up.

She had left him many times before, but she knew this time was different.

As she looked out of her Berinsfield kitchen window she told herself she was going to leave and phoned the social services. After hearing of the abuse, they sent round a taxi that took her to the refuge.

Two weeks later - having spoken to solicitors, taken out an injunction against Frank and begun legal proceedings - she moved in with her parents a different woman. She was stronger and believed in herself and she owed much of that to the refuge.

"They were very good to me there. They gave me clothes, nappies and food and even threw a party for the twins' second birthday."

That was years ago. The 33-year-old is now happily remarried, living in Didcot and receiving £90 a week in maintenance after taking Frank to court.

Julie's story is typical, reflected in EastEnders recently when pub thug Grant beat up wife Tiffany. She is now back with him after he promised he would change.

Julie had met Frank in a pub at the age of 17 and was swept off her feet. He was 12 years older and a divorcee with two kids, but he soon persuaded her to move in with him. She told the Oxford Mail: "He was very charismatic and as soon as I saw him I thought, 'Now there's a man who would look after you'."

She cannot remember the first time he hit her, but she assumed she must have deserved it. By the time a cycle of violence developed she was pregnant with their first child. She gave up her job and a degree course in science research to look after baby Joseph and settled into becoming the "best mum in the world".

It cost her her independence. She now relied on Frank financially, tied to him through their child, and gradually lost touch with family and friends.

But nothing had prepared her for the monster her lover became. He attacked her at least once a week. When she was eight months pregnant he dragged her from one end of the kitchen to the other and pummelled her senseless.

Another time she ran home to her parents and he broke down their door, attacking her family. The police were called and he was prosecuted and fined.

But she returned home after he promised her the world - and the violence became worse. She also discovered that his previous wife had gone into hiding after being discovered by the police slumped in their sitting room, bleeding, with blood all over the walls.

Then twins Rebecca and Ruth were born and Julia was left to look after three kids under two on her own.

One day the couple were driving back from the supermarket arguing about money when he punched her so hard her two front teeth fell out. She got out and he tried to run her over. An off-duty policeman saw them draw up outside their home and asked her what had happened and if she wanted to do anything about it. "Frank took the kids inside and I knew he had the advantage. I wasn't doing anything without the children so I said I was fine. When I got inside with my teeth clutched in my hand Frank took me into the loo, sat me down and then bashed my head from side to side for what seemed like hours."

"Every time I was hit I thought I must be doing something to provoke him, because no-one else got hit. Even when I arrived at the refuge I was not convinced it was all his fault."

But although Julia's story is tragic, she was one of the lucky ones. She escaped and broke the cycle.

Hundreds of other women remain locked in violent relationships for a lifetime. After years of abuse they lose the will to fight back and feel they have no alternatives. The Oxford drop-in clinic aims to change all that.

HELPLINES: Drop-in Centre co-ordinator - 01865 792662

Victim Support - 01865 711186

Police domestic violence co-ordinator - 01865 266404 A place to turn to in need DOMESTIC violence is not just a drunken slap when he comes back from the pub, as women at Oxford's new drop-in centre know only too well.

One explained: "It ranges from verbal abuse, where you are told every day you are fat, ugly and disgusting, to being hospitalised."

The centre is thought to be the first of its kind in Britain and has come about with funding from Save the Children.

And if it achieves anything, it wants to dispel the myths and hypocrisy and draw in women who may not categorise themselves as victims, as well as those too scared to ask for help or don't know where to get it.

Although the location is a closely-guarded secret, the centre is open one day a week. Potential guests are met before they are let in - not to prove they are victims, but to make sure no-one else gains access.

Women gather to chat, listen and share, while professionals are on hand to give legal and practical advice.

Co-ordinator Julia Clapson said: "We are completely confidential and any victim, past or present, is welcome. We are not judgmental. We just give people choices and support."

The centre costs £50,000 a year, and donations are gratefully received.

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