The day my Julia died

When Robert Staig found his wife's lifeless body hanging from a tree in the country estate where he worked and lived as a park manager, his world came to an end.

Why had he and his five-month-old daughter lost a woman as organised, together and well-loved as Julia?

A severe bout of post-natal depression killed his wife.

The mental illness that afflicts thousands can hit any new mum and the fact that it killed someone like Julia, 35, is a harsh reminder that it should never be underestimated.

Robert revealed the details of that horrific day in January.

He said: "On the night she died, she was very agitated and kept asking what she was going to say to the doctor.

"I told her to just explain how she was feeling and that the pills weren't working.

"When she returned, she grew more irate. Lucy was crying and she said the baby should be left alone, which was very unlike her.

"We argued about it and eventually she stormed out of the house effing and blinding, which normally she never did.

"I was relieved. I thought she would go and calm down. But actually she went to kill herself. I found her a few hours later hanging dead from a tree.

"I don't think it was an impulsive decision because the note she left, saying that she had failed, was very calm and written before she left the house. It was definitely premeditated.

"And there's no question that she meant to kill herself. This was no cry for help. She just decided she had had enough." Julia had suffered from serious PMT (premenstrual tension), but otherwise had not been depressed at all until she had her baby.

Within months of giving birth, the woman Robert had loved for 18 years trans- formed in front of his very eyes and he felt powerless to help.

He told her to go to the doctor and took on as much of the parental responsibilities as he could to relieve the pressure.

But, despite seeing her GP four times, she was only given minor anxiety pills to treat the condition.

Robert, 41, a parks manager at the Shelswell Estate, near Hethe, Bicester, first noticed changes in his wife's behaviour in August last year. She started talking about having these dark spells where she thought about killing herself.

"It was almost a compulsion to commit suicide. It came completely out of the blue and I advised her to go and see a doctor because I knew it was post-natal depression or something to do with her hormones.

"The doctor listened to her and told her to come back in a few weeks if things hadn't improved.

"I thought she only went twice, but actually she went four times overall.

"She said she explained her suicidal tendencies, but probably said she could cope with them.

"I took on as many of the chores as possible to help, but in hindsight it probably wasn't the right thing to do because it may have made her feel she wasn't coping."

But then everything seemed to improve again, until November when things went into even steeper decline.

"She started swinging from being totally vacant, with wide, staring eyes and acting like a robot, to being aggressive and hostile. I knew she was very ill and told her to go back to the doctor, which she did.

"This time she was given some mild anxiety pills. But they didn't work." Robert is now urging the medical profession to prevent another death by making sure post-natal depression is spotted and treated as early as possible.

"Julia seems to have slipped through the net.

"I don't blame anyone for her death, but a unanimous symptom among sufferers is their lack of ability to communicate the depths of their depression.

"Doctors should read between the lines and act quicker, not wait and see if the patient gets better before treating them," he said.

Robert believes her pregnancy had been the happiest time of her life.

But she was adamant that the new baby would not change her life. She was a very organised, busy woman by all accounts, who loved gardening and worked as the council's florist.

Yet she did not prepare for the birth, like many mothers, by buying new equipment or decorating the nursery, instead she carried on with life as usual.

"The baby was planned, but Julia was slightly nervous about whether she'd enjoy the experience of having a child," Robert remembered.

The couple went to a few pre-natal classes, which Robert found very helpful, but when it came to the birth Julia was given an emergency Caesarean after a 16-hour labour.

"At the time, she just wanted to get it over and done with but I think she might have thought she failed somehow by not managing to give birth," he said.

For the first few months, however, everything went swimmingly. Julia and Lucy were back in the family home and they all adjusted to their new lives together.

But Robert is angry that of all the information he has read about post-natal depression, there is no mention that the condition can lead to suicide.

"If I had known that I could have acted differently," he said. "I never considered suicide as a realistic possibility."

Looking back now, many of the signs were there.

Julia certainly suffered from bad PMT. Experts also agree that it's often the most organised women who find it hardest to cope with a new-born baby because they don't, or won't, fit into any sort of schedule.

Robert said: "She liked to do things the long, old-fashioned way, like baking and cooking everything herself.

"She was a great gardener as well, and she found it hard to cope with her life being interrupted by the baby.

"Lucy was a gorgeous, quiet baby who was very easy to look after, not a problem child, and Julia wasn't isolated.

"We knew everyone and were quite social. Julia would go out every day either to the shops or to visit friends or go to swimming and toddler classes.

"She spoke to her friends and mother about her depression and they all said she should talk to me about it, but she felt I had too much on my plate and shouldn't be bothered with it. She didn't think she was entitled to waste my time.

"I wish she had," he added.

*Sufferers of post-natal illness can contact a new helpline on 0181 7680123

ROBERT'S ADVICE TO DOCTORS

Doctors must learn to read between the lines and not believe everything the sufferer tells them.

Often new mums will be putting on a brave face because they feel they should be coping.

They also feel guilty for wasting the doctor's time so don't stress the true nature of their feelings.

Sufferers find it very hard to talk about it and they should never be dismissed as just having baby blues or feeling sorry for themselves.

AND TO SUFFERERS

They must try desperately to discuss and articulate their feelings.

No-one will think any worse of them if they breakdown and they must be honest about how they feel with their friends, doctor and family. TELL-TALE SIGNS TO LOOK FOR

More than 50 per cent of new mothers experience the baby blues.

A few days after the birth they become emotional and weepy, irritable and easily upset.

Fortunately, these symptoms are normally mild and short-lived.

For a few, they worsen.

Symptoms to look out for include: confusion, poor memory, poor appetite, sadness, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anxiety, tension, panic attacks, exhaustion, insomnia, obsessional and inappropriate thoughts, depression, extreme mood swings.

POST-NATAL ILLNESS

Post-natal depression (PND) is the most common illness experienced by women after giving birth. It is classified as a severe depression that, in most cases, arises within one month of giving birth and may persist for weeks, months, or even years.

It should not be confused with the 'baby blues' which is a mild depression that lasts for a few days after birth and affects 80 per cent of women.

In most case, PND occurs suddenly and makes no obvious sense to the woman, for example following a planned pregnancy, normal labour and healthy baby.

There is no single cause of PND and it can affect women regardless of age, background or how many children there already are in the family. The most common risk factor is a family history of PND and/or depression. Women who are high achievers and place a lot of pressure on themselves to be successful are at an increased risk.

Other possible causes include;

*A very demanding, sick or disabled baby

*Having little support from a partner or family

*A very distressing birth

*Being unable to cope with the life changes after having a baby

*Lacking skills needed to care for a baby or being unprepared for arrival

*Massive changes in hormone levels after giving birth

*Other stresses, for example financial, sexual or marital

*Physical problems associated with the baby and birth

*Feeling loss of status after the birth.

There is no particular treatment that cures PND, but most women require counselling.

This could come from a range of sources including a midwife, child health nurse, GP, a specialist hospital unit, or a trained counsellor or psychologist. Anti-depressants and hormone therapy are also common.

There are a lot of measures women can take to decrease their chances of developing PND. Good advice includes;

*Don't try to do too much after childbirth

*Don't move house until the baby is at least six months old *Find someone to talk to and share feelings with

*Attend ante-natal classes and take someone along for support

*Get plenty of sleep and eat well

*Find time alone at least once a day

*Don't be afraid to ask for help

*Do not blame anyone for things that go wrong

*Have realistic expectations of parenthood.

Story date: Monday 15 March

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.