A rose by any other name may smell as sweet, but would a binman smell or even sound sweeter if he was described as a waste disposal executive?

Sticking grandiose titles on mundane jobs has been going on for years, but things reached new levels of absurdity recently when the girl who does Posh Spice's nails was described as a 'manicure technician' or somesuch.

Now you might expect this sort of posturing in the false-face, nothing-is-real-world of showbiz, but it can be found everywhere.

And, according to the Confederation of British Industry, making a job sound more glamorous and attractive than it actually is could just be an employer's tactic to make sure he or she doesn't miss out on the best person available for the job in question.

"There are lots of areas where there is a tight labour market," a spokesman explains. "It may be that 'talking up a job' is one way of attracting people at a time when competition for workers is high. But when it comes to job titles that imply seniority, we think that there is probably less of this going on these days."

Sometimes, though, what seems like job-description madness is instead a genuine attempt at the practical and methodical Oxfordshire's Co-op Dairy recruitment drive being a case in point. Fleets of its gently-chugging milkfloats are currently carrying job advertisements for 'Dairy Sales Persons', or milkmen (and women) to you and me.

"That's what we call them these days a dairy sales person," admits the Co-op Dairy's Gary Duckett, whose own job is unambiguously described as a 'district co-ordinator'.

"Our industry involves lots of products other than milk these days, everything from compost to tea-cups," he reveals. "So our employees are regarded as salesmen, not just milkmen or women.

"As an industry, we were in decline and that's why we had to push other sales hence the job title."

A 'Dairy Sales Person' could start their first round as early as 1am and work up to a six-day, 60-hour week. The only qualification needed is a current driving licence and an enthusiasm for selling compost and tea-cups, presumably. The basic salary is 17,500pa.

Oxfordshire County Council employs around 16,000 people, the majority on a part-time basis. A swift scan through the present vacancies reveals that there's a job going for a 'Youth Co-ordinator/Detached Worker'.

Hmm. 'Worker' is self-explanatory, it's the 'detached' bit that might give rise to foolish speculation.

Does it mean 'detached' as in remaining aloof from the stress and problems that working as a 'Youth Co-ordinator' might involve, or 'detached' meaning contact with the aforementioned youths will be limited? In which case, would that make the successful applicant a 'semi-detached?'

We confess to being slightly puzzled. "So would I be," admits a county council spokeswoman, who suggests we try the contact number on the advertisement, which we do. Unfortunately, there's no-one there they are 'detached' from their office, as it were.

In the light of this, we speculate that a 'Detached Worker' could well be someone who is not centrally-office based.

But what, we wondered, did an 'Adult Placement Officer' do when he or she wasn't at home? Or, indeed, a 'Sleep-In Officer'?

The latter might sound like the excuse us 'dream' job for those keen on spending as much time under a duvet as possible on a comatose professional basis, but, sadly, it is not so. Instead, a 'Sleep-In Officer' works shifts as a 'Care Practioner' in residential homes.

But you can't lick a good, straightforward job description that tells it like it is, which is why Lollipop Men (and women) might as well be called 'Crossing Patrol Officers' as anything else. 'Binmen' (or women) should be referred to as 'Refuse Disposal Officers, if the words 'Binmen' (or women) are no longer thought politically correct, or are regarded as somehow deemining.

At least it's preferable to 'Wheelie-Bin Operatives'. . .

Top Ten list

George's Alternative Job Descriptions:

1. Aquatic Life-Preserver Swimming Pool Attendant.

2. Miracle Worker Beautician.

3. Mendacity Dissembler Politician.

4. Organic Vegetable Purveyor Green Grocer

5. Skeletal Garment Enhancer Catwalk Model.

6. Diesel Fitter Lingerie Salesman.

7. Public Transporting Officer Bus Driver.

8. Dispenser of Liquid Refreshment - Barmaid.

9. Psychologist/Social Worker Barmaid.

10. Public Relations Officer See (3).