I was hijacked in mid-air, dunked in a river and paraded in front of the media -- all to promote this weekend's sixth annual Oxford Balloon Fiesta at Cutteslowe Park (May 10-11).

A heck of a way to lose my ballooning virginity.

My larger-than-life balloon pilot, retired Avon and Somerset Police sergeant Derek Maltby, welcomed me and three other passengers aboard his wicker basket by saying that he only had three weeks' flying experience.

But his expert steering on a northerly breeze, which wafted us directly over the Radcliffe Camera and other impressive city centre landmarks, showed he was no slouch.

We flew low, in near-perfect conditions, and skilfully nudged our basket against the top of a chestnut tree in University Parks, where crew member John Churchill was able to reach out and pluck one of the flowers.

We shocked early morning rowers with one of Derek's "splash and dash" stunts, in which the balloon touched down in the middle of the River Isis before lifting off again and landing with a graceful bounce in a field.

Dive-bombing the rowers also surprised my fiance, Patricia, who had come along for the ride and not realised it was a deliberate manoeuvre.

She had missed Derek's pre-splash banter, distracted by stunning views of Oxford in the morning sunshine.

But that was probably good for her nerves, because Derek had been regaling us about a recent dunking during which his guests sank to their waists before the balloon's burner kicked in and lifted them up again.

Having a bird's-eye view of the city's architecture and cultural assets revealed the strength of its bid to become European Capital of Culture 2008.

But I soon realised I was being held hostage by enemy forces.

It hadn't sunk in before take-off: we were aboard a Bristol Chamber of Commerce-sponsored balloon, advertising "Bristol's Capital of Culture 2008 Bid" in large yellow letters. There was no sign of a pro-Oxford balloon.

Derek raised a skull and crossbones flag (I jest not) and pointed to his mascot, a full-size plastic skeleton called Stella, that he trails from the balloon wherever he goes.

Becalmed above Wadham College, he blew a huntsman's horn and taunted the good folk of Oxford about their slim chances of winning the culture bid. I couldn't come to blows because we were 200ft up.

The humiliation was complete when, after packing the balloon into the trailer of his 4x4, he managed to tune in to BBC Radio Bristol and rang the station to gloat that he had "the Oxford press" captive in the back of his car.

But let's face it, if balloons are Bristol's main cultural thing -- and I'm reliably informed they are -- we shouldn't have much to worry about.

Certainly Peter Johnson, Oxford City Council's executive member for leisure, who helped promote the fun-packed family event in Cutteslowe Park, was playing it cool.

He said: "We feel so confident about our own bid that we invited other cities to come and see how culture should be done."

No doubt Derek, who incidentally also advises a number of councils in Oxfordshire on CCTV and security, will be chuckling that he's pulled a fast one, so revenge must be taken.

Balloon consultant Sandra Hossack, who co-ordinated the fiesta entries, said there was only one thing for it: "Oxford will have to send a balloon to Bristol's balloon festival in August."