Richard Bell finds an apple a day is the road to ruin after an evening at Phish at the Bullingdon.

Saturday was something of a blur for me.

It was mostly spent pottering about the shops in search of something to buy for myself.

I eventually settled on a new bag, which once bought proved to be nothing but a hindrance being both too big to fit into my existing bag and too small for my existing bag and it’s contents to fit inside.

This might seem entirely irrelevant for a clubbing article, but it helps to explain my night, because while I was spending time searching for, and then figuring out what to do with my brand new bag, I skipped lunch.

The latest Harry Potter film took up three hours of my early evening, and also stole away my chance to get any dinner.

In fact, the only food I managed to get in my entire day was one apple bought as I made my way to the Star to begin the night out. Let me tell you that a single apple is not nearly enough sustenance to deal with even a small amount of alcohol, let alone the amount I was to consume this evening.

A few drinks at the Star, followed by a couple at the Brickworks to a delightful ‘psychedelic’ soundtrack from the resident Saturday night DJs finally saw me arrive at the Bullingdon for Phish.

Phish is a regular Saturday club night that provides forgotten ’90s classics.

Drinks prices are as standard for the Bullingdon, and the back room is large enough and dark enough to accommodate a huge amount of people.

The trouble is that my lack of food combined with an excess of alcohol resulted in the bleary eyes, slurred sentences and slightly unbalanced stagger that are the unmistakeable hallmarks of a drunkard’s behaviour as I burst into the backroom shouting for both more drinks and louder music.

A couple of drinks later and I start to feel the effects of an empty stomach and too many drinks and begin to wane in the corner – I’m afraid to say I came to the unfortunate conclusion that my night was in fact over, any more alcohol would lead to a disastrous result and that I never really managed to get a proper impression of Phish.

I like the idea of a club night constantly pulling at the strings of nostalgia, but the trouble as I see it is that for just a little more money you can get yourself into the O2 Academy for Trashy, which has a great deal in common with Phish.

The difference is that Trashy plays the popular tracks while Phish plays the more interesting and less known set list. Yet I can’t think of it as anything but a venue to get you in the mood for a night out at the Academy.

I know I’ll be there at the next one with a proper dinner in me, enjoying my drinks rather than letting them ruin me and getting myself ready for a big night out at the Academy. Hopefully I’ll see you there, but make sure you’ve eaten something substantial because, believe me, an apple just doesn’t cut it.