"It was the start of the nightmare. I could not shake the fear which I have lived with ever since — and that fear was so out of control I could not breathe."

Margaret Hooke was describing the moment she heard about her son's encounter with a roadside bomb and a firefight with Iraqi insurgents which he miraculously escaped.

Mrs Hooke, 48, and husband Bob, 53, realised there must be other people suffering the same worries and fears — and they set out to find them.

Now, 12 months on, the couple, both ex-police officers, have established a network of support called the Police and Armed Forces Families Association (Paffa) which they run from the kitchen table at the family home in Wendlebury, near Bicester.

Their son Keith, 24, and daughter Laura, 27, served in Iraq and Afghanistan for 10 months each last year.

When Keith rang home after a three-week operation driving an oil tanker through the desert he told his parents how he survived a roadside bomb and attack.

Margaret broke down and eventually went to see a welfare officer for support.

She said: "It was a relief to speak to someone who didn't think I was mad and what I was feeling was OK.

"We knew we couldn't be the only ones who were like this and that was the beginning of Paffa."

They placed an advert on the police staff intranet offering informal support for anyone with friends or family in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Then in August, Paffa was officially launched at a police open day by Thames Valley Police Chief Constable Sara Thornton.

Paffa's motto is 'supporting the hearts behind the heroes'.

It already has a network of more than a dozen families serving in the police force who have loved ones serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.

And the couple have plans to expand the group out of Thames Valley across Britain.

Mrs Hooke added: "I soon realised other people must be going through the same thing as us "This is not a counselling service, it is a chat over a cup of tea and to let someone know they are not alone — because it is one of the loneliest places we've ever been.

"We must support those in the war but don't forget about the families left behind trying to live a normal life.

"We are living with fear but trying not to show that to loved ones or children."

Paffa's range of support includes sending yellow smiles with messages to servicemen and posting a "Hug in a Hamper", which includes gifts, flowers and messages written by members of the public to those who have loved ones in war zones. It also aims to raise the profile of issues facing officers and their families, and fundraises for related charities.

Mr Hooke recently won a long service medal for 30 years with Thames Valley Police where he served in Bicester, Witney and as a dog handler.

He said of the new support group: "It takes a lot of time but is a small price to pay for what others do out there. We can't do much for the service men and women out there but give them our support.

"But they shouldn't have to be concerned about if their families back home are OK — we don't want them looking out for us, they should be looking out for danger and mortars."

Their son, Lance Corporal Keith of the Royal Logistics Corps in Abingdon, who is due to marry next year, and daughter Laura, a senior aircraftsman now based at RAF Holton, are back safe in England — but due to go back to the war zones.

For more information, and to find out about supporting sponsored events or getting help and advice, log on to the website PAFFA.org.uk

  • Anne Canning is one of those who Paffa has helped.

A mum-of-two, she was struggling with a young family while husband Paul fought in Iraq until she was given a shoulder to lean on by Paffa. Mrs Canning, 43, of Kidlington, described meeting Margaret Hooke during a police training session as 'a lifesaver'.

She was at her lowest ebb just days before her husband, who is based at RAF Brize Norton, flew to Iraq for the fourth time in as many years.

The couple have been married for 11 years and have two young children, Aidan, six, and Lucy, three. Mrs Canning, a police procurement officer, said: "I was struggling to get through it all, I was working and have a young family.

"I don't live at an RAF camp like others and sometimes talking to somebody can make all the difference.

"You are living life on the edge. I was getting upset but trying to keep a brave face on for the children.

"Until my husband is back and standing in front of me I don't know if I'm going to see him again.

"Margaret and Bob understand that."