The Met Office says we just had our warmest Autumn for 347 years - "since records began". (1659, if you can't do subtraction).

Good, that makes up for the lack of warm sunny days last winter. The kind with clear bright blue skies, not a cloud in sight from one horizon to the other, crisp, dry air; but when you turn your face to the Sun you can still feel its warmth across 100 million miles of Outer Space.

Then a shiver goes down your spine when you remember the Sun is a humungous nuclear explosion! Who wants to bask in that?

Anyway, we didn't get any of those days until nearly Easter this year. I know, because I keep an eye out for them, and it was well into April before one came along. Lingering Winters, and Autumn trying to impersonate Summer - everything's behind schedule. Has Winter finally come, or is time slowing down?

You're well aware of the elements and the seasons when you're on a bike. Nobody can ignore the wind, that's for sure. In winter it's cold toes and sleet in your face. You can't wait for the warmth of Summer, then you get sunburn!

In Autumn, it's fallen leaves that worry me. With any luck, they all fall off in the space of a week while it's dry. This year though, they're taking forever. There's a suntrap round the corner from my house with a tree that's still green, in December!

It's wet too, and fallen leaves have been lying around in soggy, greasy-looking clumps for what seems like months. I certainly haven't seen any children kicking piles of dry leaves up in the air. Maybe they do it on their Playstations.

I had my worst bike crash (in terms of lost skin) when my front wheel slipped out on some gooey wet leaves, and I don't want to repeat the experience. You'd laugh if you saw me slow down and gingerly creep round these harmless-looking piles of goo that nobody else even notices. Sometimes, I feel embarassed and check to see if anyone's looking before I do it.

But seriously, you can have the best brakes in the world and perfect tyres, and one of these leaf-slicks will get you. The Devil puts them there to take you down.

So watch out for piles of tree-poo.