"Woman battered to death with Fisher Price Xylophone"
It may sound ridiculous, but this story could end up in the Oxford Mail unless people don't stop picking on Littl'un.
She's chubby, there's no denying it, but this week alone I've had: "God, look at her, she's huge!" and "Good grief look at the size of her legs," and my favourite: "You're a fat little thing aren't you?".
Up until now I've smiled sweetly in reply.
But although I've said: "Yes, she's chubby" or other such nonsense, what I really meant was: "God, you're a rude, obnoxious git aren't you?
And it's only a matter of time before I snap: "She's a baby - what's your excuse fatso?"
Call me touchy.
But if people don't stop insulting my bonnie little lass, they could feel the rough end of her xzylophone.