COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

PARTNER’S EX-WIFE IS MAKING LIFE DIFFICULT

I am very much in love with the man I live with, and he is with me. The problem is his ex-wife. She calls at least every other day with some problem or another, and spends ages agonising over this issue or that. She isn’t trying to persuade him to come back - as least, I don’t think she is - but it’s as if she is so used to relying on him, she can’t make any decisions without him.

READ MORE: Agony advice - my husband has never loved me

I don’t know how to help and advise him. He is determined to go ahead with the divorce though, and says he knows he couldn’t ever live with her again.

I wish I knew what to do for the best for him and for his children.

FIONA SAYS: HE’S STILL THEIR FATHER

I cannot help but wonder if this isn’t a very manipulative tactic on her part to make him feel guilty, and use the children to persuade him to come back.

His marriage may be over, but his responsibilities as a father are not.

Please encourage him to see his children, and to do so as often as necessary.

Perhaps if they felt supported, they would cause fewer problems, and his wife might not feel the need to unburden herself so often. You say he is determined to go ahead with the divorce, and if that’s what he plans to do then delaying things won’t help. In time, as she learns to manage alone, she probably won’t feel the need to call as often anyway.

WE PAID FOR DAUGHTER’S WEDDING - NOW SHE SAYS MARRIAGE IS OVER

It is just six months since we held a huge wedding for our daughter, which we went into debt to afford. Now she says the marriage is over and won’t tell us why. She wants to leave her husband (who is distraught and doesn’t understand either) and come back to live with us.

Daily Echo:

My husband has dug his heels in and says she can’t come home unless either she pays off the wedding debt, or else gives us an explanation. He believes this is the only way she will face up to her responsibilities. I know she doesn’t earn much and if he forces this, she will just run up debts herself that she can’t repay. Who is right here, and what do we do to help her?

FIONA SAYS: GIVE HER TIME

I think it is important to find out what has gone wrong in her marriage, but I don’t think threatening her is the way to do it. It could be that the fairy-tale wedding didn’t properly prepare her for the realities of married life. It could be she has a sexual problem, which is why she is reluctant to talk to her father about it. It could be all manner of things, and talking about it might be very hard for her.

Rather than make the debt a condition of her homecoming, why not push for counselling? If she could speak to a Relate counsellorr, it might help her to work through this.

  • If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice.