NIGHT is falling in the forest and a stranger’s hands are gently caressing me.

My husband is nearby enjoying the same experience with someone else and... wait, before the Oxford Mail is accused of descending into the gutter press, maybe I should make things a little clearer.

The other half and I aren’t up to no good – we are, in fact, at Center Parcs Longleat, in Wiltshire, having a dual facial (and shoulder massage), which will mark the end of one of my best weekends. Seriously.

We went to the “village in the woods” last November, rolling up on a chilly Friday morning, and with a few hours to kill before getting the keys to our executive (don’t you just hate that word?) two-bed villa, we dove straight in, literally, with a few hours in its gorgeously warm, sub-tropical swimming paradise (or less lyrically, a huge, dome-topped swimming complex with pools, slides, rapids, lazy river, whirlpool baths and children’s pool).

Yes, despite our steaming breaths and heavily insulated bodies, it was easy to forget what time of year it was, as much of the entertainment, including the shops and restaurants, were under cover.

And talking of restaurants, they include the American-themed Huck’s Diner and Cafe Rouge, while the very popular House of Pancakes served up delicious sweet and savoury pancakes in a Swiss-themed chalet-style restaurant, although in truth it’s advisable to book a table here (apologies; I’m beginning to sound like one of those presenters on the Travel Channel...).

Center Parcs, no surprise, is traffic-free, so you can take your car to your accommodation when you arrive and leave – to unload and load – but for the rest of the time it is banished to the car park, while you walk or ride a bike around the forest on little roads and pathways, completely safe, and still able to hear birdsong (yes, it can get that touchy-feely).

Now talking of bikes, cycling is the main mode of transport here and this was to be our first foray into the world of wheeled travel with the little ones.

Many people take their own cycles to Center Parcs, but thankfully, should you be bike-less, you can hire a huge range of two-wheelers, including those with baby seats and trailers, which was perfect for us.

So, after a very helpful 10 minutes with a bike technician we were ‘all aboard’ – which means I was ‘saddled’ with the four-year-old in a seat on the back of my cycle, while my hubby had the toddler in a carriage, attached to the back of his bike.

There are some lovely rides through the forest, and places to park everywhere, and we took advantage of a chilly, but sunny morning to explore – stopping occasionally for a coffee, or a swing or slide at one of the many play areas. But one word of warning, Center Parcs Longleat IS quite hilly, so prepare for some quite feverish uphill pedalling, which, naturally, was fine for me, toned as I am, but left my husband struggling.

The accommodation is currently being updated in many of the Center Parcs locations and our new villa was close to the main complex.

From the outside it looked like a little wooden cabin, circa Little House on The Prairie, but inside it had a stylish and contemporary feel, while still retaining its woodland charm (not enough though to make us think Grizzly Adams or Yogi Bear might suddenly appear out of the foliage).

In the living room there was also a feature wall depicting an image of picturesque woodland.

And even the colours used in the decor seem to complement the woodland theme.

So imagine a marriage of Disney and Wimpey Homes. Wear Timberland boots and a Casey Jones hat and you’ll be perfectly camouflaged against the plasma screen TV and other home furnishings.

But for all that, Center Parcs is an ideal break if you have a family. There are hundreds of activities you can enjoy, from a treetop climbing adventure on harnesses, to all manner of sports, watersports and even creative classes for the kids.

Just remember, however, to pack a wallet, because they’re not necessarily free...

During the daytime, we took full advantage of the Tropical Swimming Paradise and also enjoyed 10-pin bowling. Our four-year-old also took part in lantern-making.

But Center Parcs is also a perfect break for adults, without children.

Through Guest Services we arranged an approved babysitter, who came to our villa and cared for our two while we enjoyed a lovely meal out at a the tapas-style restaurant, Ortega, where we drank cocktails, feasted on delicious spicy sausage, potato omelettes and seafood, and wondered how we’d become so... middle class.

I mean, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see Witney’s finest there – David and ‘SamCam’ Cameron, together with their security officers, Britain’s ‘first man and lady’, laughing and exchanging bon mots with the rest of us. But then I was in high spirits...

But down to more practical matters – for those of us who, save for those few precious, liberating hours are caring, proud parents – the children’s creche – the Time Out Club – is split into different sections depending on the children’s age.

Suffice to say, our two were more than happy to spend a couple of hours there. In fact, the four-year-old described it as: “My best playschool ever” after she enjoyed a pirates and princesses party there.

And while she was playing dressing-up, mummy and daddy were selfishly “dressing down” for a fantastic his and hers spa session at the luxurious on-site spa Aqua Sana.

After being greeted and given soft towels and robes, we then spent two hours in the spa, sampling a variety of steam rooms, sauna, and relaxation rooms before sharing a joint treatment in which we lay alongside each other and enjoyed a massage. Bliss!

To top all this off, it was Guy Fawkes weekend and we later enjoyed an exciting fireworks display over the lake – the perfect end to our family break.

Yes, we had a great time, and yes, we would go back, but perhaps more importantly, our children haven’t stopped talking about it.

IN A NUTSHELL

* Center Parcs Longleat opened in 1994 * It has 791 accommodation units * The village has a 3,956-guest capacity per break, 11 restaurants, shops and a Romanesque spa.

* Celebrities including Liam Gallagher and Amanda Holden have stayed there.

* Weekend breaks start from £199.

* For reservations call 08705 200 300 or go online at centerparcs.co.uk