Are there any places as soulless and uniform as motorway service areas?

Of course there are airport terminals, for instance.

In both cases, finding a bargain verges on the near-miraculous, and quality never seems high on the agenda. But I was prepared to be surprised, particularly as Welcome Break had sent a press release claiming they were now offering a slice of Italy "everything from risotto to hand-stretched pizza to dipping oil and vinegar with rustic breads".

So I pointed my car eastwards and headed for the neat, but windswept services area for Sunday lunch.

In I marched, past a glittering array of fountains (they were later switched off), to the restaurant zone, ready to dip rustic bread in vinegar.

My first port of call was the loos. These are award-winning conveniences, and a sign proclaimed they were checked every 45 minutes. A clock showed it would be 37 minutes until the next inspection.

All looked spick and span, except for one toilet with a big traffic cone on the seat.

Back outside, deciding not to be tempted by the posters advertising mineral water at only £2.58 for two litres, and noticing the cash machines charged for the privilege of dispensing customers' own cash, I headed first for Coffee Primo, where no doubt they were already expertly giving the pizza a yank.

Sadly, I saw only snacks there, such as ham baguettes at £4.75 and croissants for £2.30.

The smell of meat lured me next door, at a place called Food Connection. It was that or face the delights of Kentucky Fried Chicken or Burger King.

SO WHAT DID YOU ORDER?

I'm a fan of cooked breakfasts, and in a gesture of outstanding generosity, free toast was included with a traditional fry-up for £6.99.

However, I decided only a proper dinner would do.

Most courses were £6.75, although veggie lasagne was a snip at £5.99 and lamb shank was for the big spenders at £7.99.

I shunned these in favour of a 'juicy' half chicken with chips and peas, with a berry muffin and cappuccino (I asked for a smaller one, but ended up being served the 'regular' size).

Carrying my tray to the dining area, I found that there were no forks.

Once the staff had replenished the cutlery, I tucked in, at a plastic table near one of the giant television screens showing News 24.

My boss had asked me previously to to take a photo of the food, but I was too embarrassed.

And I was a bit scared of the burly-looking police officers at the table next to me (there were two patrol vehicles in the car park, to keep us feeling safe).

WHAT DID YOU THINK?

There was lots of chicken, but it was anything but juicy even the gravy couldn't disguise its dryness.

And it was lukewarm, as were my chips and peas.

I spotted a microwave and thought about using it, but it was allocated for parents warming baby milk.

So I cheered myself up with some quite good espresso at Coffee Primo (main picture), which boasted comfy leather seats, an unlit log fire and the chirpy sounds of Jamie Cullum. The staff seemed friendly too.

VERDICT: A canteen masquerading as a restaurant. I'd give it a miss.

Stars out of five: **