Cuppa Class

Wander up a dusty track in Kirtlington, towards the quarry, past endless ramblers, campers, cyclists, holiday-makers, lovers and tourists, and eventually you reach a gate leading to what looks like a rather ramshackle smallholding.

Except that pinned to the gate is a sign saying Jane’s Tea Gardens. Its fame and notoriety has reached the pages of the nationals and glossies alike, all falling hard and fast under her eccentric spell. I find Jane Fanner trying to add up a bill in the large chalet which doubles as her kitchen, and she soon gives up and tries to find the calculator instead.

“I’m sorry, I’m all over the place today. I’ve just found an injured dove and am rather preoccupied, I’m afraid,” she says to the bemused customers, as the queue lengthens.

But while people would normally be huffing and puffing, at Jane’s tantrums and the woes of the outside world get left at her rickety gate. Gazing in awe at our surroundings, we take in the long stretch of bohemian, eclectic and quirky array of tables, tents and decor which adorn this stretch of the river, where countless people perch precariously at tables dotted around Jane’s garden.

Drawn by her equally random menu, whose produce is all hand-made, Jane only opens her garden on Sundays during the summer, and where else can you get English tea in mismatched porcelain cups, lace tablecloths and a silver teapot, while the kids frolic around you like something out of a Victorian novel?

It’s as far removed from the high teas served in The Randolph as you could possibly get. In fact, Jane’s Tea Gardens wouldn’t be out of place in Lewis Carroll’s famous novel – the setting for Alice In Wonderland’s tea party being perfect.

I don’t think anyone would have batted an eyelid had we turned and found our neighbouring tea guests to be the white rabbit, Mad Hatter and dormouse. The more the merrier.

There are a variety of tea menus available at Jane’s, from the dainty cream tea at £5.50 per person to the Full Jeeves which includes soup of the day, a selection of sandwiches, a slice of home-made cake, a dish of sherry trifle, scone, jam and cream, plus a pot of tea for £13.50.

Having never been before, and not managed lunch, I opted for the full monty. Stacking it all up on the tray, which we then had to ferry back and forwards to our table, wobbling manically as we negotiated our way over the paving steps, chickens, doves, various children, boutique caravans, to one of the many riverside tables, we were finally able to lay our feast in front of us.

The vegetable homemade soup was so delicious (made from the contents of Jane’s garden) that we had to have a refill. The sandwiches came in an array of flavours: coronation chicken, egg mayonnaise, prawn cocktail and hummus & salad, a vibrant bunch of flavours, but nothing very child friendly, unfortunately. Our cake choice wasn’t the best either, the brownie being gluten-free so rather lacking in gooey moreishness. We ordered a few fairy cakes instead to sop up the tea.

The rhubarb cake, however, was a triumph, as were the scones. The trifle was a low point, lacking the set layers of custard, sponge and fruit I was expecting.

It was more of a fruit fool in the end, so we left it, but there was still enough there to fill us up and keep us entertained. And then Jane herself appeared in a flurry of hair and glasses, swept into one of her caravans and wound up an old record player, releasing Tosca’s soprano into the air and sending shivers down my spine.

And as I looked around her garden I wanted to burst into applause because you couldn’t create a more English scene if you tried. Just when you think they’ve snuffed out every last bit of originality, Jane comes along and sets the record straight, literally.

So go. Go and experience Jane’s Tea Garden for yourself, and take a piece of it home, even if you don’t like her cake. I, on the other hand, shall be back next time the sun is shining for more.

Jane’s Teas are at Waterside Tea Gardens, Mill Lane Farm, Kirtlington, OX5 3HW.

janes-cream-teas.co.uk

Open Sundays until October.