Who are the Philistines exactly? As the Edinburgh Festival gets

into its last lap, are they conspicuous by their absence?

Anvar Khan asks a cross-section of the public for

their opinions on today's intellectual and culture-shy pygmies

* ''Who are the Philistines? The residents of Edinburgh who pay no

attention to the jamboree that goes on in their city.''

-- Jonathan Logan, bank teller.

* ''A tribe of Israel in the Bible.''

-- Bob Clow, bookseller.

* ''Rupert Murdoch.''

-- Anon, BBC.

* ''The sellers of postards, trinkets and gew-gaws at the Kelvingrove

Art Gallery.''

-- Cameron McNee, actor.

* ''The Philistines were natives of ancient Philistia.''

-- Amanda David, photographer.

* ''The Catholic Church for its damning of Billy Connolly's excellent

series on Scotland over a few ribald jokes. Bowdlerism lives.''

-- Howard Standen, nutritionist.

* ''Sylvester Stallone and his collection of art, whose only value is

the amount he paid for it.''

-- Jim Dyer, auctioneer.

* ''The 'I don't know anything about art but I know what I like'

brigade.''

-- Donny McKie, mobile phone salesman.

* ''Taxi drivers.''

-- Michael Daniels, hairdresser.

* ''The uncool, ungrooving cubic community.''

-- Barry Watson, soul singer.

* ''Dr Joseph Goebbels for his famous quote: 'When I hear the word

culture I reach for my Browning' (the gun, not the poet).''

-- Irene Will, librarian.

* ''The death duties office, which has forced thousands of great works

to be sold abroad and be lost to the nation.''

-- Alexander Cochran, self-employed.

* ''Pat Lally for his shameful removal of the concert hall murals.''

-- Diane Irvine, dental hygienist.

* ''The Tate Gallery board of trustees.''

-- Tim Marsh, accountant.

* ''Mickey Spillane -- self-confessed, and the most widely read author

in Barlinnie Prison library, apparently.''

-- Jim, Outreach worker.

* ''Jonathan Ross. He's obviously put a lot of work into becoming the

great aficionado of trash.''

-- Kevin Singh, media studies student.

* ''Derek Jameson -- he says he's a purveyor of working-class culture

but spouts only taxi drivers' prejudices.''

-- Terry McShane, engineer.

* ''During her visit to the Burrell Collection in 1990, Lady Thatcher

referred to Vincent van Gogh's sunflowers as Chrysanthemums -- twice!

Even after being tactfully corrected. The Philistines are a culturally

bankrupt Government which would love to privatise all things artistic.''

-- Stewart Coulter, deputy director of the Kelvingrove Art Gallery.

* ''Those who think they are morally superior to us video watchers

because they have seen 15 Edinburgh Festival fringe shows in 24 hours.''

-- Sheena McIntyre, window-dresser.

* ''Essex man.''

-- Daisy McDonald, nurse.

* ''Tourists in art galleries.''

-- Andrea Parker, temp.

* ''Radio One. They don't play enough independent music by new

bands.''

-- Vince, session guitarist.

* ''Money-changers in the temple.''

-- Marlene Morris, marketing consultant.

* ''Those who judge a book by its cover.'' -- Carrie Morling, graphic

designer.

* ''Research recently carried out by BBC2 revealed that there was no

correlation between the number of people who said they watched foreign

arty movies and the actual viewing figures for those films. The real

Philistines are those who say that they support British films while

secretly sneaking into Lethal Weapon II and enjoying Hollywood with the

rest of us.''

-- Penny Thompson, director of the Edinburgh Film Festival.

* ''Partick Thistle supporters.''

-- Anon, Brixton Prison.

And finally:

* ''Christie's and Sotheby's -- they know the price of everything, the

value of nothing and the phone number of every Japanese collector.''

-- George, private collector.