So it’s books down and costumes on this week as our production of Noel Coward’s Still Life nears its performance dates at the end of this month. Full details of booking tickets can be found on last weeks blog. Ticketmeister Betty says nobody has phoned mentioning my blog, so why not eh? eh? eh?…….So here is her number again. Ready? Take this down….01865 820375. So there you have it.

Rehearsals get really interesting now as the actors slot into the set, the sound and effects all come together and we can see how the finished product will look. Simples.

Went to see the film ‘An Education’ this week. Set in the early 1960’s (I remember it well) it’s the story of a young girl under pressure to keep her schoolwork up to scratch and get to Oxford. She meets an older sophisticated chappie who starts showing her the high life and her works suffers. I really enjoyed it and what’s more there was no explosions, car chases, swearing and anything else that seems to be the trademark of modern films. The worst part of the whole experience was sitting through the trailers of the forthcoming films, utter bilge seems to sum them up but I guess I am not the market they are aimed at. However having said that I don’t know why there isn’t more entertainment aimed at the silver set as we are the one section of the population who have been least affected by the economic down turn.

I will whinge at this point as I feel very strong about this which was brought up on the radio a couple of weeks ago. It would appear in the UK as soon as you retire at sixty-five or earlier you are classified as some sort of wrinkly and all treated as the same generation. So someone at 60 is in the same category as someone 100. Now would you consider a teenager the same as fifty year old? Of course not. I rest my case. So why when we go away for a weekend break and choose an hotel with evening entertainment it’s usually bingo and some patronising git on an electric organ. End of whinge.

On to brighter things. I had an e-mail this week from a mutual friend of Chuffer’s reminding me the old guy is off to Malta for three weeks this Christmas. He apparently has a perchant for ladies of this fair isle so this could be the beginnings of another Maltese cross (husband that is). In order to avoid a possible diplomatic incident it is obviously necessary for me to pass on this warning to the good ladies of Malta (several of whom I believe read my blog) of the impending arrival of Chuffer on their shores. Due to the high number of religious ladies on the island and the largest convent within the walls of the silent city of Medina (known locally as the Virgin Megastore) it is imperative they take precautions with old Chuffer on the prowl. You have been warned.

This weeks story is quite apt I feel… A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your licence please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please.

The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty space.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.