Get ready for seal burgers (From Oxford Mail)

Get ready for seal burgers

12:18pm Friday 13th April 2007

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Scaremongering global warming experts would have us believe that, in the near future, everyone's gardens will be planted out with cacti and grape vines and half the population will be in the John Radcliffe Hospital being treated for skin cancer, due to the expected rise in temperature here in Blighty.

Britain enjoys a 10 degrees C higher temperature than it should, due to the warm waters from the Tropics brought to our shores by the Gulf Stream.

If and when all the polar ice caps melt, the resultant cold water could either reduce the effects of the Gulf Stream or make it disappear entirely from our shores.

The resultant drop in temperature could see Britain and the northern hemisphere return to a mini Ice Age and not, as predicted by some, turn into another Sahara Desert.

With this prospect in mind, think of the culinary delights that will be available at your local shops - seal burgers, polar bear steaks, ready frozen fish and ski slopes open for six months of the year. This is, of course, purely theoretical, but could happen.

As with all hypotheses, anything is possible, but it's all guesswork.

So I would advise your readers not to sell their patio heaters just yet.

I have just ordered some thicker duvets for my bed and have enrolled at night school for the 'how to build an igloo, skin a seal and kayaking for beginners' course, as this knowledge may come in handy in future.

I wonder if we will have to get planning permission to build ice houses?

Got to go now as the postman is at the door with a parcel from Greenland, bringing socks made from caribou fur and new snow shoes which may well be handier than sandals.

Don't take any chances people - like a Scout, be prepared, order yours now!

TONY ANCHORS Didcot

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