LAST Saturday I crossed the ramparts into unfamiliar North Oxford. What is this strange red bricked Valhalla I thought to myself, edging cautiously up the Woodstock Road?

I dodged four-by-fours until, protected only by my explorer’s binoculars, compass and safari hat, I reached the gates of St Hugh’s College. Oxford’s Vote Leave launch rally was due to start at 6pm sharp. And I had gone in search of the lesser-spotted Brexiteer.

I pursued a pack of tweed-clad natives across the lawn, to the designated mating spot. Let it be noted that I travelled as an impartial observer, with no intention of whooping, cheering, or otherwise succumbing to the mating cry of the beasts. It was either this, or stay at home deadheading daffodils and pruning my hedge.

Safely through the bush, I found the congregation sat in chairs, facing towards a podium where the rituals would soon begin. Women preferred sombre full length dresses. For men, blazer and smart trouser combinations ruled the day.

Yet just as official Brexiteer dress code began to formulate in my mind, in bounded Luis - the evening’s first speaker.

Young and vibrant, the Liberal Leave representative sported a trendy Zayn Malik “undercut” hairstyle. From a distance he appeared to be wearing black leather drainpipe trousers, and a pair of slippers. After ten minutes, some bright spark realised they had forgotten to switch off the Brazilian samba background music.

From then on all went well for Luis. His speech was well received - until he made reference to “Great Britain.”

A woman in the centre of the room was outraged by this. In the manner of a three-quarters-cut Victorian schoolteacher she corrected him, shouting “United Kingdom!” so loudly that pigeons flew off nearby rooftops.

UKIP MP Douglas Carswell was next to speak. His charcoal grey suit and orange tie drew modest applause.

Following Carswell came a speaker who is an expert on business. She made her way to the microphone wearing a purple skirt and a bright yellow top. Now why on earth would you choose such a colour scheme?

Her speech concentrated on SMEs. As it turns out this stands for “Small and Medium Sized Enterprises”. But she didn’t explain this. So I spent ten minutes trying to work out why the EU was so unwilling to help six Mediterranean elves.

Culture Secretary John Whittingdale withdrew from the event after a tough week, replaced by Chris Grayling - Leader of the House of Commons. Grayling delivered a good speech. He made illuminating points about democracy.

But to my mind, it was his rousing, convincing arguments for the blue shirt and pink tie combo that won the day.

I’m just waiting for the Remain faction to throw a launch party now. What will they be wearing? Will there be cheese and wine? And will they remember to turn to the Brazilian samba music off in time?