Sometimes I get complimented on the candid nature of my column, what might seem candid to you the reader is often just normal to me. But on this occasion I am delving into territory that I find quite personal – the issue of declaring disability, dating and being judged online.

I was at a University event for prospective students and many asked ‘should I declare my disability, will it affect my application?’ and we replied ‘of course not you are only judged on your academic achievements’. This got me thinking in terms of my life and what I am judged upon?

As a single man in his 30s I have been dabbling with internet dating. Of course you write a bio, upload a photo and go about chatting. I decided not to use a photo of me in my wheelchair initially as I didn’t want to be judged on my physically inabilities. I’d much rather be judged on my other attributes.

Now of course this could be deemed misleading, but after a brief experiment of using a photo with the wheelchair present and having basically no interest, I feel it’s a risk I have no choice to take.

Now as the chat continues I am, of course, eager to tell them as I feel no shame. But it requires timing to know when it’s apt and that I have established enough of myself for them to put me in context. Or so I thought. Recently I have come across increasingly more people who after my declaration simply went from chatty to no reply.

It’s hard to express how hurtful this. After exchanging banter, photographs etc. I immediately get frozen out because I’m physically imperfect. This makes me feel that despite all my ‘charm’ and ‘good looks’ (their words not mine) that being in a wheelchair nullifies who I am as a person and certainly in terms of attractiveness.

I have tried to take the ‘well I wouldn’t want to date that kind of person anyway’ attitude but if you throw mud it sticks. I am a positive person who sees the best in my situation but there are times that sometimes being eternally positive against a slow, but steady, stream of hardships gets tiresome. On this occasion it might be bad timing but it triggers thoughts of how else is my life compromised?

I write these things in the hope that some of the app users read this and understand that the flippant no reply might have been a quick decision for them, but leaves me with a legacy of hurt and actually makes me feel like a second class citizen.

Anyway it’s not all doom and gloom after calling on friends to help me process this, I have been reassured that I am much much more than my wheelchair, attractive, and that the interface of this app is all wrong. The solution?

Bye-bye app and by bye-bye judgmental users. It’s time to press reset and hope that the next date is only around the corner.