After a car crash changed her family's life forever, Anna McDonagh came out fighting, as she tells Jaine Blackman

It's every parent’s nightmare – an accident that changes your child’s life forever.

When Edward McDonagh was days away from his eighth birthday he was the front seat passenger in a car, on his way back from playing in a primary school football match.

Another car travelling at 60mph hit them, impacting directly on Edward, leaving him in a coma for three weeks, in hospital for a year and permanently brain damaged.

But the McDonagh family are proof that there can be light at the end of the tunnel... even if it’s a long way off.

“As a family, we disappeared from view for some years as we needed all our energy to manage,” says Edward’s mum Anna, 57.

“The trauma does not magically disappear; you learn to manage it, to live with it, to accept things are different. You adapt.”

And Anna has also battled – “there are people who would say I’m a pain in the arse” – to make sure Edward had the best care, treatment and quality of life possible.

Now 24, supported by five carers, he lives in his own home, is off to a heavy metal festival soon, then later in the summer to The Calvert Trust which specialises in outdoor activities for people with disabilities.

And on Sunday he will be taking part in the Blenheim 7k.

But it’s been a long and arduous journey.

“Edward had some broken bones but they were the least of the problem, the blow he had taken on his head had damaged his brain,” says Anna.

“Seven weeks after the accident he was lucky enough to get a place at The Children’s Trust in Tadworth, Surrey, which is one of the very few places in the country that deals with rehabilitation for children following an acquired brain injury.”

Arriving on a stretcher, Edward was unable to eat and fed by a tube into his stomach. He couldn’t sit up or hold his head up, was incontinent and unable to talk.

“Edward stayed there for a year. So we spent that year to and froing down the M25, trying to live the semblance of a normal life and to be with him as much as possible,” says Anna.

During that time Edward learned to eat again, to stand up and put weight on his legs.

“I vividly remember the day that we first thought he might walk again.

“I was with the educational psychologist when I heard footsteps running down the corridor and a member of staff burst into the office and dragged me out with her.

“In the physio suite, Edward had just been fitted with splints or leg supports for both legs. He had been given a walking frame and had managed to walk across the room. It was extraordinary.”

Before the accident Edward, who played rugby with Bicester minis and was learning the saxophone, “never stopped moving”.

Oxford Mail:

Edward six weeks before his accident

“Even inside our house where he insisted in wearing his roller blades,” recalls Anna. “He talked non stop, and read books avidly and played on the play station. He was doing really well at school and had lots of friends.”

Then came the accident.

“Your brain makes you the person that you are, so if it is damaged it changes that person,” says Anna.

Edward lost the use of his left arm and his left leg is still very weak. He wears a leg support to enable him to bear weight but his balance is poor so generally uses a wheelchair outside the home.

“His speech is now very slow and laboured, it also takes him time to get his thoughts out, so talking ten to the dozen became impossible,” says Anna.

“When you are injured in this way, and away from school and home for over a year you lose out on the normal things in life. However hard you try, your school friends move on and learn new things and you get left behind.”

Anna had just started working as a gardener when the accident happened and was on her first job.

“I left it without a moment’s thought and never went back. My sons were my priority,” says Anna, whose other son Tom is now 26 and studying human genetics. “I spent the next many years being his advocate, providing his care, taking him to appointments with neurology, orthopaedics, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, educational psychology etc etc etc.

“I also had to teach teachers what his needs were, explain how they could help him and go on school trips so that he could also go.”

Edward developed post traumatic epilepsy five years after the accident, which was another thing the family had to cope with.

“Our whole family were affected in different ways. Life has never been the same,” says Anna, who is married to husband Kerry, 56.

“Statistically, a high proportion of marriages fall apart when something like this happens, but for us, we found just how good a team we are.

“We work really well together and together have a wide variety of skills and abilities. Also we are good at talking to each other.

“Yes we had times when we felt the strain, but it never pulled us apart.”

Edward eventually came home from the Children’s Trust and returned to primary school before going to secondary school at The Ormerod at The Marlborough in Woodstock and on to college.

Oxford Mail:

The McDonagh family seven years ago

In 2008, he was awarded £5m in damages to pay for his care after Insurers for the motorist involved admitted liability.

And last summer he was set up his own home, with 24-hour care.

“That final stage was utterly exhausting and I was overcome with just how much work it took,” says Anna.

“His care team are wonderful. To have five people that I can trust to love and watch out for him is more than I could ask for.

“I cannot fault them. They put up with me double-checking everything and worrying, and they give him a good time.”

As the years have gone by, Anna has also found a new direction in life, as a psychotherapist.

“At 18, Edward went to a residential college from Monday to Friday and I had some time to myself. I had missed the opportunity to pursue a career for those 10 years and wanted to find something that meant something to me and that I could call my own,” she says.

“I was thrilled to be offered a place at Oxford University to train to become a counsellor. It has been incredibly challenging, but also utterly wonderful.

“I love working as a therapist. I was offered counselling when Edward had his accident but no one explained to me why or how it might help me.

“I have learned that talking makes sense of what I have experienced. That to be with someone who really listens, really understands, does not judge and is bound by confidentiality, that life can be changed for the better.

“I think that having experienced trauma I am better able to help other people and empathise with what they may be going through.”

Anna, who has also recently become the proud owner of half an allotment, still has her worries: “For example, if the phone goes late at night or early in the morning, our fear is that something has happened to Edward, the fear returns.

“However, we have adapted and can usually find a way to do things,” she says.

“If anyone tells me something is not possible, I never believe them and can usually prove them wrong!

“I have made a new life for myself as Edward has done for himself. Life has settled and is good.”

Edward has inherited his mother’s indomitable spirit.

“He has coped with his challenges quite amazingly,” she says.

“He never complains, he never believes that things are not possible. He is good humoured and will do his best. Yes, sometimes he gets fed up... I think he is quite entitled to.”