Let’s keep this brief, shall we... a bit like the England team’s appearance in the World Cup?

Now the sun has shown up, and the beautiful game has got a bit more beautiful, (which other sport would have you shouting, as a whole family ‘Come on, Iran!’ at the screen?) you’re unlikely to find yourself channel-surfing of an evening.

There’s Pimm’s to drink, which just doesn’t work indoors (I’ve tried) and, wedged between the tennis, (proper) football or whatever else your poison is, here are the things to tune into... and what to avoid.

On that topic, ITV2 has excelled itself with Educating Joey Essex: Football Fever (Sunday, 9pm) which is a thoroughly depressing prospect at the best of times, even before England and Spain dribbled out of the tournament.

The ‘travel documentary’ follows the professional airhead to Brazil and the favelas where he has a hairdo, a little meltdown and several lightbulb moments as he learns shocking factoids... such as that Brazil isn’t in Portugal, and his tour guide João has never been to Marbella.

Yes, standing in front of the glorious sugary Copacabana beach, Joey is shocked, and also ‘totes patronising’, when he learns his mentor has never been to Marbs.

In a moment of kindness, he gives his opening ceremony ticket to elderly fan called Peanut, which is fairly touching... unlike his revelation that Brazil is ‘the differentest place in the world’. Really, it is like watching a toddler learning to tie his shoelaces, with jokey incidental music and a Phillip Schofield voiceover... but it’s still about a million times more joyful than Adrian Chiles’ monotone footie chat.

Another young man who needs a hug rather than a camera poked in his face is 20-year-old Josh Field from Sussex. Meet The Mormons (Thursdays, C4 10pm) follows the wannabe member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (there are 200,000 Mormons in the UK, which might be why there seems to be one on your doorstep most evenings), along with his sinister minder/babysitter in his mission to renounce socialising, fun and his family. As Joey would say, it’s ‘totes out of order’.

Pour the man a beer and send him off to Glastonbury, along with the 297 BBC staff who are rocking up at Worthy Farm, with the coverage starting on BBC1 and Three tonight at 7pm.

Much anger has been spewed about the Beeb’s numbers off on a jolly in Somerset and South America (300 went for the World Cup) but I’ll be raising a glass to them.

I read recently that DJ and TV presenter Lauren Laverne was so excited to be working at Glasto the first time that she got totally spangled, drove a tank on to the Pyramid stage and emerged out of a haze of alcohol and pain to find out she had to interview Morrissey in one hour.

This is where legends are born... and the sort of cringeworthy presenting moments that make The One Show look like a well-oiled, charismatic machine.

Glasto highlights tonight include finding out if pint-sized pop rocket Prince is a secret addition to the line-up.

Maybe it’s a sign of being over the hill, but watching the magic unfold from the comfort of my sofa is up there with making it out of the Group Of Death.