First they came for the supermarkets and I didn’t say anything because I hate supermarkets.

Then they came for the post office and I didn’t say anything because I have a postal service at work. Then they came for my bank… and I was too broke to complain.

Yes my friends, I’m talking about self-service machines.

The Tesco at the top of Cornmarket has become the epitome of modern inefficiency: there are only five self-service stations with enough bagging-room for a weekly shop.

On the other stations, you’re lucky if you’re able to fit a few bananas and a toilet brush.

I can often be found there, mumbling to myself about how unreasonable the Tesco gods must be.

The post office is even worse. I venture in, armed with a parcel and a bank card, and leave hours later, armed with a delivery receipt and insurmountable rage. It’s a public health problem.

Come back in five years and we’ll find that the NHS has declared post office self-service stations the major cause of death and injury in the UK. Hashtag: ‘RoyalFail’.

And then this morning I ventured into Barclays on Cornmarket. I try to do most banking online. Actually, I try not to look at my bank account at all.

But today I needed to get a statement and change the details of a payee on my account. Have you been in the Cornmarket branch recently? It’s like an airline hangar.

Remarkably though, the system worked. Admittedly, there were a few stragglers, hanging around near the door, unable to fathom where they should be heading or what they should be doing when they get there.

Admittedly, these were mainly tourists or people over a certain age who seemed slightly bamboozled by the lack of human contact. I think this is a pretty reasonable response for a human to have.

I saw one computer point with the title, ‘Account Manager’. That sounds about what I need, I thought, smiling that there was no large queue.

There were few queues at all, in fact: not at the Cash Withdrawal point nor at the Bureau de Change. So perhaps in the case of a bank – where there can be several types of requests – it does make sense to have areas ready to handle each query.

The attendants – who now seem to do little more than act as glamourous car park attendants, directing traffic to its suitable space – were friendly and warm and helped me greatly – perhaps because they’re not chained to a desk, restrained behind glass.

So maybe – just maybe – the self-service machine isn’t all bad. Except in supermarkets. And at the post office. Definitely at the post office.

There, they’re a liability. You mark my words.

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