Rebecca Moore gets her opinions of a new technique in the world of cosmetic surgery off her chest... along with her underwear

Unhappy with your chest? Too small? Too saggy? Too chesty?

Well, don’t despair – throw away those chicken fillets! Burn that Wonderbra! Don’t even consider having traditional implants – they’re so last year! In fact, just stop investing in bras altogether.

You can now have a 24/7, one price for all seasons bra.

Why worry about pretty lace and frills when you can get an invisible bra, permanently stitched to the inside of your chest?

That’s right. Why bother with the laundry when you can pay a surgeon the small sum of £6,000 for him to fit a bra under your skin, giving you the perfect uplift and support you require?

The whole procedure – which has been approved in the EU but is currently under review in the US – involves a 45-minute operation in which surgeons implant “silicone slings”.

These silicone slings are not expensive versions of a well-known cocktail but rather implants placed beneath breast tissue, which are then attached to the rib cage by fine silk straps and titanium screws.

They bring a whole new meaning to the term boulder holder.

Orbix Medical, the company that developed the technology but which, frankly, sounds more like a dental dog treat company rather than experts I’d trust to slice me open, says that the surgery offers an alternative to breast reduction surgeries with “minimal scarring” but can also replace the “unsustainable” results offered by traditional breast-lifts.

Getting older, I certainly see why people resort to plastic surgery and various other vanity-enhancing procedures. I have a fairly large chest myself, and have over recent years, found myself taking extra special care of it, since I know that ageing is not a breast’s best friend.

I’ve even (whisper it ) found myself on occasion thinking that after I have children maybe I’d even be swayed to have a lift of some kind.

And then I realised what I was really contemplating: voluntarily inviting somebody to knock me out, to slice my chest open and cut and stitch as they see fit, all the while trying not to kill me with an overdose of anaesthetic, and get me through the whole hospital experience infection-free. All so that when I’m 60, people in China don’t feel the impact tremor every evening when I remove my bra.

Traditional implants are bad enough.

But a bra on the inside of your skin seems not only a step too far but also kind of… icky. Knowing you have something so alien and mechanical beneath your skin makes the soft allure of breasts robotic, and otherworldly.

Plus, don’t you ever have those days where your strap gets twisted, or the underwire digs in, or the fabric rubs you up the wrong way? Isn’t it gorgeous when you whip that bra off the moment you get home? Yes. Now imagine you can’t.