Sheena Patterson of Oxford Garden Design devises a cunning plan

It’s hard to believe that a creature so small could cause such a lot of trouble.

The latest unwelcome visitor chez Patterson measures just 20cm long, but does ENORMOUS damage.

Since the arrival of Mr Mole our lawn has been turned into a series of black craters, resembling mini land mines.

And, yes, it is a he creating all this havoc. No wife of family in sight (thankfully!). Now with our new live-in lodger the lawn has become an absolute eyesore.

Moles create a tunnels below the surface of the lawn, to create feeding runs. The sheer speed and volume of excavation is amazing – one mole can shift 14kg of earth in an hour, that’s a tremendous amount for such a small creature, hence the large shovel like front feet.

The males weigh about 115g, so that is more than 12 times its bodyweight in an hour. A quick calculation. That would be like me being able to dig hundreds of kilos an hour.

How many? Well, that would be telling.

The earth is forced to the surface, forming the unsightly molehill, all in the quest for worms, a veritable feast for the uninvited guest with a voracious appetite.

He also creates an underground larder for a rainy day, storing any excess worms by biting their heads off to prevent escape. Nice.

So why my garden? The answer lies in the fact that our garden backs onto grassland where the soil has been undisturbed for years.

Small gardens are avoided because of the amount of overground activity.

A favourite haunt is a garden with an extensive lawn and adjacent orchard. Bingo! That would be us.

So, now I know why we’ve been chosen as a des-res for Mr Mole.

But this is not Wind in the Willows and I am of a mind to evict the little critter asap.

But how?

This is a common problem. Despite the plethora of deterrents, traps and poisons it seems to be extremely difficult to drive off or kill a mole.

I’ve immediately discounted the more blood-thirsty options and have humanely decided to send him in the direction of my neighbours (I hope they aren’t Oxford Mail readers!) All sorts of concoctions are recommended – burning rags, disinfectant, creosote, old kippers and so on.

Apparently, the sound and smell of a cat scratching above the tunnels can drive off moles. We don’t own a cat, but our neighbours do. I’m idly wondering what their reaction would be to my borrowing pussy for purposes of scaring our mole into their garden.

Hmm, somehow I think I need an alternative plan.

Manufacturers claim the most effective mole deterrent device is an ultra-sonic solar powered mole spike. The sonic pulse penetrates the soil, driving moles away.

Before I spend my hard earned cash, I’m going to try my own unique method.

Later this evening, a battery-operated singing Father’s Day card will be lowered into a run.

This thing has been driving me crazy since Sunday, and, fingers crossed, it might do the same for Mr Mole.