Sheena Patterson of Oxford Garden Design goes into a battle against a furry garden terrorist

In my bid to create a haven of serenity and tranquillity in my countryside garden, I seem to have yet another a fight on my hands. There is sufficient evidence to accuse one or more of the grey squirrels (frequent but uninvited guests) of theft. Last weekend, something dug up and ate my newly planted and hideously expensive, ornamental Allium bulbs. So once again I’m doing battle with the local wildlife in my quest to create a calm, peaceful oasis filled with precious flowers and vegetables.

For many people, grey squirrels romping over the lawn or leaping through the trees are the most endearing of all garden animals. Tempted by titbits to come to the back door, they may even feed from the hand... aaah, how cute! But to others (me!) they are an unwelcome intruders. Vermin to be extradited on every possible occasion.

Personally I think they’re terrorists cunningly disguised in furry coats. Their lovable looks provide the perfect camouflage for their one true aim – to get their greedy mitts on my precious plants.

But squirrels really aren’t pets, and the greys are classed as a serious pest. Until 1876 there were only red squirrels in Britain when an American introduced greys into the London area. Within a century the invading Yanks had all but taken over and spread to nearly every part of the country with the reds in serious retreat. Now most of the natives call Scotland home, with only a few thousand left in England and Wales, Grey squirrels are responsible for a depressingly long list of dastardly deeds – bulbs dug up, soft fruit eaten, tree bark damaged, herbaceous plants stripped, bird feeders robbed and so on. So what to do if, like me, you want to persuade them away from your garden?

Extermination isn’t illegal, but I haven’t amassed an arsenal of weapons of mass destruction – nor would I want to. Humane traps are humbug – what is humane about trapping a live animal, which you can’t release into the wild (as the grey squirrel is classed as a damaging non-native species)?

So we have reached stalemate chez Patterson. My plants are still vulnerable to the invading hoards. But I have found one solution to deter the voracious brutes from consuming the contents of my bird table in less time than it takes to say nuts.

There are some fantastically elaborate bird feeders, specifically designed to keep the pesky rodents at bay. The downside of these contraptions is that they look more like flying saucers or space rockets than bird feeders – not exactly in harmony with my vision of a rustic rural retreat. However, as weapons of food protection have helped us reach, if not a peace treaty, an uneasy co-habitation. I haven’t won the war but at least I won’t be feeding the little blighters!